Funny Dark Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Dark quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

The funny thing is that everyone thinks I'm naturally dark because all of my siblings are, but I'm naturally dirty blond. —
Khloe Kardashian

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I saw a dark void under the platform and had just enough time to think: Fuck me he's a earthbender. —
Ben Aaronovitch

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. —
David Sedaris

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I think 'Breaking Bad' is brilliant. Good drama in the U.S. is also so funny and blurs the line between light and dark. —
Arthur Darvill

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Cara: *Flies*
Gen: What? I don't have wings!
Cara: Ofcourse not! You're a boy. —
Jim Henson

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil). —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights) —
Jane Dentinger

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. —
Mark Twain

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I don't know when I'm writing dark. I don't know when I'm writing funny or even heartbreaking. I'm always just trying to write it true. —
Julianna Baggott

My love's got a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, she gives none of it to me. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Once upon a time, fairy tales were AWESOME! —
Adam Gidwitz

Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle - and mine just got stolen. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

The perception of him as brooding and dark and miserable, that is baloney. Kurt Cobain was a funny dude. —
Krist Novoselic

Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love like never, only less often. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

For someone who wrote a novel with a superhero named "Dark Lightning," you wouldn't think a thunderstorm would make me so nervous. —
J.M. Richards

Yes!" it exclaimed, bouncing up and down, its ears flapping like sails. "Yes, you hear me! Razor found you! Found girl and
funny dark elf. —
Julie Kagawa

You think this is funny?" I snorted. "You would. Your sense of humor is so dark, even the lesser demons don't get you. —
Pippa DaCosta

Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerous
and cool like Johnny Depp. —
Janette Rallison

I was one of those. I meddled with dark powers. I
summoned demons. I ate the entire little cheese, including the rind. —
Patrick Rothfuss

Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track. —
Erin Mitchell

My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus; unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots. —
Edgar Rice Burroughs

I am only able to be honest. And sometimes my view of the world is pretty dark. But still funny. —
Rachel Zucker

Life's funny that way, kind of like a dad who thinks it's hilarious to tie his kid up in a dark closet and leave him there for the weekend. Yeah, —
Patrick Thomas

So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn't?"
He snorted. "You don't just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with it. —
Dannika Dark

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in. —
Dannika Dark

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Knives are sharp, but are equally confusing. —
Nathan Hassall

I'm not against people just being funny or telling stories. I don't need to delve into the soft, dark core all the time. If it happens, it happens. —
Marc Maron

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

It's funny, because I have periods where I just kind of go dark. I don't tweet, I don't talk, I don't interview, and then I have times where I do. —
Lance Armstrong

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit. —
Terry Pratchett

Funny how growing up can change your opinion of being afraid of the dark and afraid of the bills. —
Amelia Hutchins

I don't like sleeping in the dark jungle by myself.
Ren —
Colleen Doran

The guy had guts - I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them. —
Rob Thurman

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? —
Sherrilyn Kenyon

I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.
- Simon Hunt —
Dannika Dark

My condolences, you're still alive. —
Fakeer Ishavardas

I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. —
Moon Unit Zappa

Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Dark, cool, musty, smoky, where light fell funny and everyone looked like someone you knew or wanted to know. Or, more likely, wanted to forget. —
David Baldacci

I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one. —
Cameron Diaz

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

You want a torch or a candle, maybe? You've got your head so far up your own arse, it must be dark in there. -Sam —
Kady Cross

Well, life is dark, isn't it? Mostly, it's dreadful. At the same time, death is funny too. I mean, look at the fuss we make of it. —
Upamanyu Chatterjee

I love like I'm thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand? —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Just shut up and talk. - Shella —
Krista Alasti

I lied. I do that, you know, when it suits me. I would have thought you'd realized that by now. —
Anne Stuart

Thorn. Good demon overlord. —
Sherrilyn Kenyon

The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights) —
Elaine Kagan

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore. —
James Hetfield

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights) —
Eve Kagan

Discovering Samuel Beckett in college was a big deal for me. I realized you could be very funny and very dark at the same time. —
Billy Collins

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I think that life is very dark at times and there are things that are very funny about that. —
Brett Gelman

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged —
Terry Pratchett

No, it's fine. I know you're late. Maybe we can talk tomorrow, but I'm going to be in and out all day."
"That's what he said," she purred. —
Dannika Dark

If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Funny, isn't it? We hear the same name and while they see dark, I see light. —
Nadia Hashimi

I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it. —
Dark Jar Tin Zoo