Funny Dark Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Dark
Funny Dark Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Dark quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
His chin looked as though a farsighted person had attempted to sew two thickly cut pieces of bacon together in a dark room.
— Christopher Paul Curtis
Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you'll never get your balls back. - Simon Hunt
— Dannika Dark
A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.
— H.L. Mencken
I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
She held her hand out in front of her. "Wait.""No," I groaned and then cleared my throat. "I mean okay, I can wait. — Kenya Wright
For every guy who loves being a dad, there's another who realizes too late that he's created something his wife loves more than him.
— Mark R. Brand
We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I can be a gentleman off and on. When the urge hits me. - Tran
— Krista Alasti
I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it's a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising.
— Craig Charles
Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over.
— Kresley Cole
Knowledge is a rope, and you're weaving a noose out of it. Leave some slack for the enemy.
— Nenia Campbell
You two were in a cave together?' said Miss Simpkins in horror.'Yes,' said Kate, 'and it was very, very dark. — Kenneth Oppel
I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
— Woody Allen
All lines are gray in the dark.
— Nenia Campbell
Many comedians have a dark side that lets them take a negative thing and turn it funny.
— Rachel Dratch
Don't be hating on my peacock. It's just not right. - Kye
— Krista Alasti
If someone were to come up to you in a dark alley and say, "Psst, wanna see a UML diagram?" thatdiagram would probably be a class diagram. — Martin Fowler
He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.
— Derek Landy
Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
The funny thing is that everyone thinks I'm naturally dark because all of my siblings are, but I'm naturally dirty blond.
— Khloe Kardashian
I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I saw a dark void under the platform and had just enough time to think: Fuck me he's a earthbender.
— Ben Aaronovitch
She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
— David Sedaris
If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I think 'Breaking Bad' is brilliant. Good drama in the U.S. is also so funny and blurs the line between light and dark.
— Arthur Darvill
In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights)
— Jane Dentinger
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I don't know when I'm writing dark. I don't know when I'm writing funny or even heartbreaking. I'm always just trying to write it true.
— Julianna Baggott
Once upon a time, fairy tales were AWESOME!
— Adam Gidwitz
The perception of him as brooding and dark and miserable, that is baloney. Kurt Cobain was a funny dude.
— Krist Novoselic
Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love like never, only less often.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
For someone who wrote a novel with a superhero named "Dark Lightning," you wouldn't think a thunderstorm would make me so nervous.
— J.M. Richards
You think this is funny?" I snorted. "You would. Your sense of humor is so dark, even the lesser demons don't get you.
— Pippa DaCosta
Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerousand cool like Johnny Depp. — Janette Rallison
I was one of those. I meddled with dark powers. Isummoned demons. I ate the entire little cheese, including the rind. — Patrick Rothfuss
This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.
— Erin Mitchell
My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus; unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots.
— Edgar Rice Burroughs
I am only able to be honest. And sometimes my view of the world is pretty dark. But still funny.
— Rachel Zucker
Life's funny that way, kind of like a dad who thinks it's hilarious to tie his kid up in a dark closet and leave him there for the weekend. Yeah,
— Patrick Thomas
So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn't?"He snorted. "You don't just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with it. — Dannika Dark
I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.
— Dannika Dark
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Knives are sharp, but are equally confusing.
— Nathan Hassall
I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
It's funny, because I have periods where I just kind of go dark. I don't tweet, I don't talk, I don't interview, and then I have times where I do.
— Lance Armstrong
Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit.
— Terry Pratchett
Funny how growing up can change your opinion of being afraid of the dark and afraid of the bills.
— Amelia Hutchins
I don't like sleeping in the dark jungle by myself.Ren — Colleen Doran
The guy had guts - I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them.
— Rob Thurman
Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
My condolences, you're still alive.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.
— Moon Unit Zappa
Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Dark, cool, musty, smoky, where light fell funny and everyone looked like someone you knew or wanted to know. Or, more likely, wanted to forget.
— David Baldacci
I'm not ashamed of being a bubbly, funny person. I think that's as valid as being the dark, brooding, tortured Oscar-nominated one.
— Cameron Diaz
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
You want a torch or a candle, maybe? You've got your head so far up your own arse, it must be dark in there. -Sam
— Kady Cross
Well, life is dark, isn't it? Mostly, it's dreadful. At the same time, death is funny too. I mean, look at the fuss we make of it.
— Upamanyu Chatterjee
I love like I'm thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Just shut up and talk. - Shella
— Krista Alasti
I lied. I do that, you know, when it suits me. I would have thought you'd realized that by now.
— Anne Stuart
Thorn. Good demon overlord.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights)
— Elaine Kagan
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.
— James Hetfield
The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Discovering Samuel Beckett in college was a big deal for me. I realized you could be very funny and very dark at the same time.
— Billy Collins
Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I think that life is very dark at times and there are things that are very funny about that.
— Brett Gelman
If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged
— Terry Pratchett
If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
