
COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up! —
Tanya Masse

What happens, I think, is especially for comic effect you find something about yourself that you don't like. You exaggerate it, and it's funny. —
Wayne Knight

Michael Bates was a very funny actor; he'd served in India, could speak Urdu, and had great comic timing. —
Sanjeev Bhaskar

Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. —
Rowan Atkinson

I don't need a personal trainer ... I need someone to stalk me and threaten to kick my ass when I eat and drink stuff I'm not supposed to! —
Tanya Masse

Death is complicated."
-Johann Kraus —
John Arcudi

The real mystery isn't what's under the redaction mark, but what's above it. —
The Covert Comic

All men are tragic ... All men are comic ... Every man is important if he loses his life; and every man is funny if he loses his hat. —
G.K. Chesterton

What great comedians, great comic writers, great comic actors do is that they just read the headlines with the right eyebrow position and it's funny. —
David Salle

Paradigm shift: does that come before swing shift or after? —
The Covert Comic

I'm not a broad comic, but I think I can be funny and I think I make people laugh. —
Lennie James

In this city, we've got a saying: once is coincidence, twice is a booking offense!
-Judge Dredd —
John Wagner

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes. —
David Wong

In democracy both a deep reverence and a sense of the comic are requisite. —
Carl Sandburg

I firmly believe that if you can't fool all of the people all of the time you should start breeding them for stupidity. - Weisshaupt —
Dave Sim

I've died before. It was boring, so I stood up. —
Warren Ellis

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a
funny comic. —
Iliza Shlesinger

Every Friday is black where I work. —
The Covert Comic

That's the exciting part about capitalism. It's like surfing, you have to catch the wave. - Martin Peter (aka Vermin Gobsmack) —
Jamie Delano

I love nerds. Comic-Con junkies are the tastemakers of tomorrow. Isn't that funny? The tables have turned. —
Kristen Bell

Secret 7591.42.21. Avoiding weasel words in your intelligence analysis isn't easy when your intelligence analysis is about weasels. —
The Covert Comic

I'm sure this is a diversionary ploy. But that doesn't mean it isn't real.
-Abe Sapien —
John Arcudi

Secret 3963. It's only a sucking chest wound if you're not the shooter. —
The Covert Comic

They are not grey roots! This is my new fifty shades of grey OMBRE hairstyle! —
Tanya Masse

It's hard for a comic to be joking when your lines can't be funny. —
Steven Michael Quezada

You can't teach someone to be funny, but you can teach comic timing. If you listen to a good comic, you can learn how to put it on a page. —
Christopher Moore

Plus, I love comic writing. Nothing satisfies me more than finding a funny way to phrase something. —
Michael Pollan

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. —
Bo Burnham

Ever notice that phrenologists have funny-shaped heads? —
The Covert Comic

Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it. —
Ben Stiller

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!! —
Bill Watterson