Funny Christmas Quotes
Collection of top 32 famous quotes about Funny Christmas
Funny Christmas Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Christmas quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
The door opens with a rusted jingle, and an animatronic Santa insults my moral virtue three times. Ho, ho, ho.
— Kiersten White
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Many people want the government to protect the consumer. A much more urgent problem is to protect the consumer from the government.
— Milton Friedman
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
— Publilius Syrus
All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.
— Carroll Bryant
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
— Bill Watterson
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.
— Anthony Jeselnik
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
— Arlo Guthrie
Snarl must love Christmas as much as me, I decided.
— Rachel Cohn
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
— Rodney Dangerfield
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
— Andy Borowitz
It's funny to think that Christmas - a time known for its joyful togetherness - can be the loneliest time of the year for some.
— Giovanna Fletcher
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
— Andy Borowitz
Four grey walls, and four grey towers, Overlook a space of flowers, And the silent isle imbowers The Lady of Shalott.
— Alfred Lord Tennyson
It was like dying, but without the consolation of oblivion.
— Laini Taylor
This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen.
— Richelle Mead
What does Christmas mean if we can't encourage small children to sit on a stranger's lap?
— Ian O'Doherty
There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
— Conan O'Brien
It's written in Old," he said. "Before they invented spelling. Let's have a look at the latest one." It
— Terry Pratchett
To forget the wrongs you receive, is to remedy them.
— Publilius Syrus
Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
— Andy Borowitz
Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
— P. J. O'Rourke
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
— Laurence J. Peter
God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
— Oliver Markus
I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas ... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do!
— Lisa Lampanelli
It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest.
— Richelle Mead
