Eoin's Quotes
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Eoin's Quotes & Sayings
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If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.
— Eoin Colfer
I miss my suits...
— Eoin Colfer
*to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard
— Eoin Colfer
Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
— Eoin Colfer
It'll be messy, but after a day you'll be zipping around as though you were a thousand years old again.
— Eoin Colfer
When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't.
— Eoin Colfer
My bugs don't have bugs.
— Eoin Colfer
You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue
— Eoin Colfer
(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)
— Eoin Colfer
Any of these vultures smell weakness, and they'll mess you up faster than sugar in a gas tank.
— Eoin Colfer
What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?
— Eoin Colfer
I feel him near in the twist of me guts. It's something I've always been able to do.The Reluctant Assassin — Eoin Colfer
No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
— Eoin Colfer
A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
— Eoin Colfer
I have no time for babbling foolishness.""Don't be so hasty," said Victor. "There's always time for babbling. — Eoin Colfer
King Nicholas had explained the lense box to
— Eoin Colfer
Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.
— Eoin Colfer
Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term.
— Eoin Colfer
Conor, I could search the world for another swashbuckling scientist, but I doubt if I would find one like you.
— Eoin Colfer
If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.
— Eoin Colfer
(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!
— Eoin Colfer
The Hitchhiker's Guide is a hundred percent accurate. Reality, however, is not as reliable.
— Eoin Colfer
My truffles? You took them? That's just mean!
— Eoin Colfer
As the clinic's janitors, it had been a simple matter for Merv and Scant to plant the acid balloons the previous evening. Of
— Eoin Colfer
It would take less than a second for you to die. But that's quite long enough to be in mortal agony, don't you think?
— Eoin Colfer
No one's ever really ready for a troll.
— Eoin Colfer
He had seen bigger men than he with mummy's handkerchief clutched in on hand and a bloody dagger in the other.
— Eoin Colfer
I have lived long enough to realize that there is no such thing as perfect love. That's too long.
— Eoin Colfer
Blow it Chix. Blow that door off it's damn hinges.""Yessir. Off it's damn hinges. That's a roger. — Eoin Colfer
Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.
— Eoin Colfer
Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows.Phase one of Opal's plan was complete. — Eoin Colfer
It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.
— Eoin Colfer
I do remember, Holly. I remember it all. Especially you. It's a real comfort to have you here.
— Eoin Colfer
Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?
— Eoin Colfer
Ambition had a price, and that price was friendship.
— Eoin Colfer
The others ignored him, busy doing what men generally do in dangerous times: putting on their trousers.
— Eoin Colfer
Being part of a secret is a great source of strength.
— Eoin Colfer
Mortals, screw 'em.
— Eoin Colfer
Ma was using her for-company voice. Sweet on the outside but with an underlying death threat.
— Eoin Colfer
Artemis: Holly, how did you find me?Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be? — Eoin Colfer
... desperate times required judicious risk-taking.
— Eoin Colfer
Naturally, we lunatics are the kindest of the bunch.
— Eoin Colfer
I am surprised. 'A disk? A bloody disk. What do I look like to you? Jason goddamn Bourne?
— Eoin Colfer
Anything else, Butler?""The cosh, sir. — Eoin Colfer
...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.
— Eoin Colfer
Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.
— Eoin Colfer
There's always time for babbling.
— Eoin Colfer
How was your ... eh ... trip?"Artemis felt the sting of tears in his own eyes. "Um, eventful ... — Eoin Colfer
Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly..
— Eoin Colfer
The name's Bond. James Omar Bond.
— Eoin Colfer
I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.
— Eoin Colfer
Well, young man, have you found anyone worthy of your respect?"Artemis smiled back. "Yes," he said. "I believe I have. — Eoin Colfer
I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.
— Eoin Colfer
It was calling me, that button," he offered as his excuse. "I couldn't resist." -MULCH DIGGUMS ON A HIGHLY PRESS-ABLE BUTTON-
— Eoin Colfer
All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.
— Eoin Colfer
I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.
— Eoin Colfer
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.
— Eoin Colfer
Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else's heart.
— Eoin Colfer
Right, enough talk. I think it's time Mister Vassikin was introduced to my friend, Mister Fist.
— Eoin Colfer
Oh,It's going to be so easy to kill you,scoffed Opal.
— Eoin Colfer