Dennis Miller Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Dennis Miller quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
— Dennis Miller
To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.
— Dennis Miller
Obama better hope a kicked ass is covered by Obamacare.
— Dennis Miller
Guilt is the reason they put articles in Playboy.
— Dennis Miller
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
— Dennis Miller
Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them.
— Dennis Miller
And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking ... yeah, that's coming down.
— Dennis Miller
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
— Dennis Miller
In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted.
— Dennis Miller
Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi.
— Dennis Miller
When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb.
— Dennis Miller
Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!
— Dennis Miller
I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love.
— Dennis Miller
It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.
— Dennis Miller
Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week.
— Dennis Miller
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell down and saw God.
— Dennis Miller
Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island.
— Dennis Miller
I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.
— Dennis Miller
It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.
— Dennis Miller
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
— Dennis Miller
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
— Dennis Miller
I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.
— Dennis Miller
The American auto industry is blowing up like a 1976 Ford Pinto.
— Dennis Miller
Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours.
— Dennis Miller
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!
— Dennis Miller
Sometimes you just have the thin the herd.
— Dennis Miller
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
— Dennis Miller
One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.
— Dennis Miller
Another drink, another sentence, and the writing continues on ...
— Dennis R. Miller
Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester.
— Dennis Miller
Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
— Dennis Miller
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
— Dennis Miller
But the biggest fake of the year, Paul Begala's last smile
— Dennis Miller
Never have lives less lived been more chronicled.
— Dennis Miller
And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow
— Dennis Miller
If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again.
— Dennis Miller
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
— Dennis Miller
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.
— Dennis Miller
Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets ...
— Dennis Miller
Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.
— Dennis Miller
The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.
— Dennis Miller
Remember, when you connect with another computer, you're connecting to every computer that computer has connected to.
— Dennis Miller
I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed.
— Dennis Miller
That receiver was as wide open as Annabel Chong.
— Dennis Miller
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
— Dennis Miller
That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche.
— Dennis Miller
Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.
— Dennis Miller
Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh?
— Dennis Miller
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
— Dennis Miller
A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot.'
— Dennis Miller
For me, all writing storytelling and style
gets back to the Bible, Twain and Hemingway, and not in that order. — Dennis R. Miller
Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.
— Dennis Miller
When I'm writing, really writing, everything but breathing is an ignorable distraction.
— Dennis R. Miller
Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.
— Dennis Miller
Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.
— Dennis Miller
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
— Dennis Miller
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
— Dennis Miller
Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have my pants dry cleaned the next day.
— Dennis Miller
If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.
— Dennis Miller
I'd rather be funny than wise.
— Dennis Miller
Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through 'Aida.'
— Dennis Miller
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
— Dennis Miller
I'm actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I'm always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn't take too much effort.
— Dennis Miller
I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.
— Dennis Miller
There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.
— Dennis Miller
Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks.
— Dennis Miller
Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this."
— Dennis Miller
What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?
— Dennis Miller
A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.
— Dennis Miller
For some offenses, there is only retribution." Nora Hawks, "One Woman's Vengeance.
— Dennis R. Miller
I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.
— Dennis Miller
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person.
— Dennis Miller
I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.
— Dennis Miller
Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.
— Dennis Miller
The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle.
— Dennis Miller
If somebody wants to shoot up and die in front of you, more power to them. The herd has a way of thinning itself out.
— Dennis Miller
We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can get some sleep.
— Dennis Miller
