Craig Ferguson Quotes

Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Craig Ferguson

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Pinterest Share on Linkedin

Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt. Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt. Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I think comedy as an art involves the I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist. Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: When I stopped drinking, it was only because When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die. Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Bush's memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, Bush's memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles. Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Violence of any kind, once it starts, is Violence of any kind, once it starts, is like fucking a gorilla-you ain't done till
the gorilla's done.
Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I'm so excited about the new iPad, I I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: After all this time I found that the After all this time I found that the novel is in fact punk rock. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: That's why I believe in a Constitution which That's why I believe in a Constitution which separates church from state. I've seen what happens when they get in cahoots. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Old people really do have a secret though. Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: A lot of the U.S. used to be A lot of the U.S. used to be part of Mexico, including Arizona. But they're a bit touchy about that right now. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Being an American is something I wanted to Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I've started looking at my own father a I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I was 15 years old when I was I was 15 years old when I was in this band; we were called Stag. We used to wear spandex pants and no underwear - we looked like marbles smugglers. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: The first day of spring is known as The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they're straight. It's over! — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: The 3-D effects in "Star Wars" are so The 3-D effects in "Star Wars" are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Here in California, we passed a law against Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: If you absolutely believe that what you do If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Don't ever rope me in as a late-night Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I was ambitious and desperate to direct my I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I don't see my show as a stepping I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know Happy Cinco de Mayo. If you don't know what that means, maybe you're a little out of touch - or maybe you're the governor of Arizona. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I dont know how to add things to I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: There is no Thanksgiving back in the old There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Maybe fear is God's way of saying, Pay Maybe fear is God's way of saying, Pay attention, this could be fun. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: The world can be such a fright, but The world can be such a fright, but it belongs to us tonight. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: The problem with suicide is that it seems The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It's camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I don't know much about the Supreme Court. I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer
I'm a dragon irritater. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde is a metaphor for alcoholism. He drinks a potion, becomes a monster. I know exactly how he feels. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Its like a sort of internet Ren Fair. Its like a sort of internet Ren Fair. Its like Dungeons & Dragons but for cool people who have got friends. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Whoever I had become had to die. Whoever I had become had to die. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I dropped out of high school when I I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.' — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: It's a great day for America, everybody! It's It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: According to a new study, Hawaii is the According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Insiders say Obama's pretty comfortable around actors. He Insiders say Obama's pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been 'acting' like he was born in Hawaii for a long time. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: If you know anything about me - and, If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I don't think being a comedian gives you I don't think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I didn't say no because between safety and I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: If you can't trust, you can't be trustworthy. If you can't trust, you can't be trustworthy. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: You better watch out. You better not cry. You better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: It takes a long time to become a It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: A number of U.S. colleges are going to A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: They say give a man a fish and They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I try and live my life in bite-size I try and live my life in bite-size chunks. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Great, as long as you're happy Great, as long as you're happy — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: That's the thing about terrorism - it works. That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations. Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: 114 isn't as old as it used to 114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Ros was dead.He had loved heroin more than Ros was dead.
He had loved heroin more than it loved him. I was shocked beyond imagining; he was the first of my friends to fall. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I don't know now if I'm funny. I I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: During the cold war, West Berlin was an During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness. Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn't brave enough to be insane. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's Twas the night before Thanksgiving.
All the food's in the oven.
And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Everything I think of now is too rude Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I've got young kids, so it suits me I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I like to believe that there is an I like to believe that there is an extra warm corner of hell for these fuckers who traffic in emotional misery. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I don't get emails from my corporate overlords. I don't get emails from my corporate overlords. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: A casino in South Dakota was robbed by A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: By the power of Steven Wright's Beard! By the power of Steven Wright's Beard! — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Other than the laws of physics, rules have Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I think holidays create so much pressure because I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Is it really that important? It's just television, Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something. — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012 — Craig Ferguson
Craig Ferguson Quotes By Craig Ferguson: I'm careful with money. I'm careful with money. — Craig Ferguson