Conan O'brien Quotes

Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Conan O'brien

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Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Your path at 22 will not necessarily be Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Work hard and be kind and amazing things Work hard and be kind and amazing things will happen. Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Applaud my idiocy. Applaud my idiocy. Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: 'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its 'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Just taught my kids about taxes by eating Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: A study in the Washington Post says that A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: 'Duh. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the best thing to happen in your career — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: I have an abacus at home. I have an abacus at home. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: NBC has suspended Brian Williams for six months NBC has suspended Brian Williams for six months without pay. Williams said he's not worried because soon his veterans benefits will kick in. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right? — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Keep cool my babies. Keep cool my babies. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: People are saying that Rick Perry is really People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: For the first time since 2007, the FDA For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: In New York the other day, there was In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper! — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals during a hockey game. It happened just after he had the goalie executed. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: A new report says that last year Colorado A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: I just want to say to the kids I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it's been since I have been able to wear my "Go Iran" T-shirt? — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: The Olympics have just started and the Greeks The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: By the power invested in me by the By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss the groom. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Amy Poehler: Conan O'Brien's show was speaking to a massive Conan O'Brien's show was speaking to a massive and young audience, and he would put us in weekly bits on Late Night. — Amy Poehler
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Donald Trump is not running for president. This Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: If Sony's not going to show 'The Interview,' If Sony's not going to show 'The Interview,' that's it. No more North Korean movies for me. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Let's just agree any group of 3 or Let's just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.' — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: President Obama announced that he's going to reopen President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: First Lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise First Lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise video of her beating up a punching bag. But don't worry, Vice President Biden is going to be OK. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: A congressman sent a tweet that compared president A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized to Hitler. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Geraldo Rivera says Osama bin Laden is hiding Geraldo Rivera says Osama bin Laden is hiding out in Pakistan ... which means the most hated man in Afghanistan is now Geraldo Rivera. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Scientists are adding an extra second to the Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: George Clooney says he's had sex with too George Clooney says he's had sex with too many women to ever run for office. He was immediately made Prime Minister of Italy. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, 'You would too if your parents had named you 'Jeb.' — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Early on, they were timing my contract with Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.' — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Link Wray is the all-time legend. Link Wray is the all-time legend. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: This week Apple stores are holding free computer This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that's called in China, a job fair. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: People should say 'no comment' more often. No People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: San Francisco is the only city in America San Francisco is the only city in America where marijuana is legal but plastic bags are not. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: After hearing that he has been nominated for After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are - and I will eliminate them.' — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging to form a super Social Media site - YouTwitFace. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: If you accept your misfortune and handle it If you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst to profound reinvention. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: California had its first medical marijuana job fair. California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up. — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Matt Groening: A lot of our writers, like Conan O'Brien, A lot of our writers, like Conan O'Brien, moved on to other things — Matt Groening
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.' — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: The turkey that President Obama will pardon this The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, I don't need a pardon. I need a job.' — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion dollars.' — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: In China, people are selling their kidney to In China, people are selling their kidney to buy an iPhone 6. What's going to happen when the iPhone 7 comes out? — Conan O'Brien
Conan O'brien Quotes By Conan O'Brien: Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Long story short: She adopted him. — Conan O'Brien