Bill Bailey Funny Quotes

Bill Bailey Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Bill Bailey Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?' — Bill Bailey

There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours. — Bill Bailey

Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard — Bill Bailey

Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism. — Bill Bailey

People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.' — Bill Bailey

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door. — Bill Bailey

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department. — Bill Bailey

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish. — Bill Bailey

I am a confectionery-based existentialist. — Bill Bailey

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?" — Bill Bailey

It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey

I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.' — Bill Bailey

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish. — Bill Bailey

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life ... — Bill Bailey

Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently ... — Bill Bailey

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ... no eight! — Bill Bailey

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine — Bill Bailey

But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!" — Bill Bailey

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they. — Bill Bailey

This shed does not contain me. — Bill Bailey

Nostalgia: How long's that been around? — Bill Bailey

"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers? — Bill Bailey

Thank God for Darwin, eh? — Bill Bailey

A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that. — Bill Bailey

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished. — Bill Bailey

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it. — Bill Bailey

Relaxed Empiricism
I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened. — Bill Bailey

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. — Bill Bailey

There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box. — Bill Bailey

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet. — Bill Bailey