Best Steven Wright Quotes: top 34 famous quotes about Best Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Steven Wright quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: The best kind of friend is the kind

The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I went to the fights, and a hockey

I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I kept a diary right after I was

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: How many people does it take to change

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I was born by Caesarian section ... but

I was born by Caesarian section ... but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: George is a radio announcer, and when he

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge ... you can't hear him talk. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Some friends of mine got me a sweater

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Like other kids wanted to become firemen or

Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: If everything seems to be going well, you

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I had just received my degree in Calcium

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology ... the study of milkmen. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I finally got around to reading the dictionary.

I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Why don't they make the whole plane out

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Isn't the best way to save face to

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Day One: Still tired from the move.

Day One: Still tired from the move. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Imagine how weird phones would look if your

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Why do scientists call it research when looking

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: When everything is coming your way, you're in

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I took a course in speed waiting. Now

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Last year we drove across the country ...

Last year we drove across the country ... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip ... I don't remember what it was ... — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Why do psychics have to ask you for

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: They say we're 98% water. We're that close

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I think God's going to come down and

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Is it weird in here, or is it

Is it weird in here, or is it just me? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I'm actually writing a short story about a

I'm actually writing a short story about a photographer who went completely insane trying to take a close up photo of the horizon. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

I'm not naked, I'm in the band. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Sorry ... my mind was wandering ... one

Sorry ... my mind was wandering ... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I bought a cheap piece of land ...

I bought a cheap piece of land ... It was on someone else's property. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

I was once arrested for resisting arrest. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: My theory of evolution is that Darwin was

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: When I woke up this morning my girlfriend

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' — Steven Wright

Best Steven Wright Quotes By Steven Wright: I washed a sock. Then I put it

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. — Steven Wright