Best Russell Baker Quotes

Ireland really is my problem; the breaking point of the huge suppuration which all British and all European society now is — Russell Baker

Long words, fat talk they may tell us something about ourselves. Has the passion for fat in the language increased as self-confidence has waned? — Russell Baker

When you're the only pea in the pod, your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope diamond. — Russell Baker

Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories
those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost — Russell Baker

Americans like fat books and thin women. — Russell Baker

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems. — Russell Baker

The worst thing about the miracle of modern communications is the Pavlovian pressure it places upon everyone to communicate whenever a bell rings. — Russell Baker

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. — Russell Baker

The biographer's problem is that he never knows enough. The autobiographer's problem is that he knows too much. — Russell Baker

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic. — Russell Baker

Every day and in every way, baseball gets fancier. A few more years and they'll be playing on oriental rugs. — Russell Baker

There are no liberals behind steering wheels. — Russell Baker

The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don't do it. I have been out there. It is a mess. — Russell Baker

It was Queen Elizabeth who made me a foreign correspondent. — Russell Baker

Research is a scientific activity dedicated to discovering what makes grass green. — Russell Baker

I frankly admit to not knowing who I am. This is why I refuse to buy clothes that will tell people who I want them to think I am. — Russell Baker

Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses. — Russell Baker

Schoolteachers seemed determined to persuade me that 'classic' is a synonym for 'narcotic'. — Russell Baker

Except for politics, no business is scrutinized more exhaustively than journalism. — Russell Baker

Journalism was being whittled away by a Wall Street theory that profits can be maximized by minimizing the product. — Russell Baker

Journalism talk is part of the nonstop background noise of American life. — Russell Baker

A day spent praising the earth and lamenting man's pollutionist history makes you feel like a superior, sensitive soul. — Russell Baker

In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses. — Russell Baker

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it. — Russell Baker

When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools. — Russell Baker

A railroad station? That was sort of a primitive airport, only you didn't have to take a cab 20 miles out of town to reach it. — Russell Baker

Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear. — Russell Baker

Watergate left Washington a city ravaged by honesty. — Russell Baker

Scientists have been struck by the fact that things that break down virtually never get lost, while things that get lost hardly ever break down. — Russell Baker

Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity. — Russell Baker

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. — Russell Baker

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity. — Russell Baker

Humans treat time as a map and always know where they are located on it and respond with the appropriate emotion. — Russell Baker

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness. — Russell Baker