
I frankly admit to not knowing who I am. This is why I refuse to buy clothes that will tell people who I want them to think I am. —
Russell Baker

Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses. —
Russell Baker

Schoolteachers seemed determined to persuade me that 'classic' is a synonym for 'narcotic'. —
Russell Baker

Except for politics, no business is scrutinized more exhaustively than journalism. —
Russell Baker

Journalism was being whittled away by a Wall Street theory that profits can be maximized by minimizing the product. —
Russell Baker

Journalism talk is part of the nonstop background noise of American life. —
Russell Baker

A day spent praising the earth and lamenting man's pollutionist history makes you feel like a superior, sensitive soul. —
Russell Baker

In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses. —
Russell Baker

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it. —
Russell Baker

When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools. —
Russell Baker

A railroad station? That was sort of a primitive airport, only you didn't have to take a cab 20 miles out of town to reach it. —
Russell Baker

Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear. —
Russell Baker

Watergate left Washington a city ravaged by honesty. —
Russell Baker

Scientists have been struck by the fact that things that break down virtually never get lost, while things that get lost hardly ever break down. —
Russell Baker

Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity. —
Russell Baker

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. —
Russell Baker

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity. —
Russell Baker

Humans treat time as a map and always know where they are located on it and respond with the appropriate emotion. —
Russell Baker

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness. —
Russell Baker