Best Funny Doctor Quotes: top 30 famous quotes about Best Funny Doctor

Best Funny Doctor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Funny Doctor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off! — Henny Youngman

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!" — Henny Youngman

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. — Bob Hope

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?" — Frank Carson

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home. — Joseph Gordon-Levitt

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!" — Henny Youngman

It's funny: when I first started getting vocal about how much I liked 'Doctor Who,' I didn't realize how deep the fan base was. — Chris Hardwick

I recently bought the box set of 'Doctor Who' and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the TV! — Milton Jones

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." — Tim Vine

If I go back home to Wittenberg, I'll lie down in a coffin and give the maggots a fat doctor to eat. — Martin Luther

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
No one's immune to bribery. — Joanne Harris

The doctor asked me recently how I was feeling within myself, I replied, "absolutely fine doctor, but I'm terribly lonely without myself. — Benny Bellamacina

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals. — Mark Twain

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee! — Rodney Dangerfield

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. — Spike Milligan

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!" — Henny Youngman

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital. — Anthony Jeselnik

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!" — Henny Youngman

You're FAT - and don't try to sugarcoat it, because you'll just eat that, too. — Phillip C. McGraw

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?" — Henny Youngman

Funny thing- Morgenstern's folk's were named Max and Valerie and his father was a doctor. — William Goldman

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" — Henny Youngman

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway. — Solange Nicole

Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand. — S.K. Logsdon

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!" — Henny Youngman

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman

The cybernetic operation?"
"No, the sex change."
The doctor's smile faltered.
"I'm joking. — Marissa Meyer

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun! — Rodney Dangerfield

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.' — George Burns

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl. — Sarah Silverman