Best Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Best Funny

Best Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Ish #153 Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. — Regina Griffin

Women were tricky creatures under the best of circumstances. This was not the best of circumstances. — Genevieve Dewey

You're at your best when you don't know what you're doing. — Paul Stanley

The best time to make friends is
before you need them. — Ethel Barrymore

It's funny, 99% of the time, haters and the 1 they hate on have everything in common and could be best friends. — Behdad Sami

Pound notes are the best religion in the world. — Brendan Behan

They call Ray Robinson the best fighter, pound for pound. I'm the best fighter, ounce for ounce. — Willie Pep

There was no doubt in my mind that Daemon believed revenge was a dish best served in my face. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal. — Bauvard

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground. — Francis Bacon

With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing. — Keisha Buchanan

Vomit and shit, even your own, stink. — Sheeja Jose

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it. — Mark Twain

Spies have the same kinds of needs and desires that everybody does, which is funny. The best kind of comedy derives from that kind of truth. — Matt Nix

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? — Jean Illsley Clarke

It's a very funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. — W. Somerset Maugham

If you lose your best cornerback and punter, I'd say that's a double loss. — John Madden

I threw my hand over my mouth and blurted out the first best excuse I could come up with, Morning breath! — Melissa Aragon

As funny as it sounds, the best thing I got out of making a solo record was to realize how much I love being in a band. — Dave Pirner

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. — Noel Fielding

This was going to be the best cup of tea ever, even if it did look piss weak and oily. He took a gentle sip. Motherfuckers. It was coffee. — Simon Dunn

Generosity is the best investment. — Diane Von Furstenberg

These are the best things I've ever had in my mouth! — Mora Early

That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. — Cecily Von Ziegesar

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies. — Voltaire

I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. — Tears For Fears

Fuck you."
"Promise? — Carole Cummings

I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life. — Anyta Sunday

Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it. — Judith Chambers

A mother is the best friend God ever gave. — Christian Nestell Bovee

I just killed my best friend ... and my worst enemy. What's the difference? — Christian Slater

It's funny how the darkest moments of your life can bring about the best ones. — Kathryn Kennish

Don't do it gurl," he said with a wink. "You need to pretend like that phone is your best friend's husband's dick now drop it. — Ethan Day

The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay. — Oscar Wilde

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women. — Gloria Steinem

A sense of humor is an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny. — Ed Sheeran

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice. — Otto Von Bismarck

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. — George Burns

I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. — Carol Burnett

What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in awhile. — J.D. Salinger

The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962. — Dave Barry

I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were the world's best ventriloquist. — Michael Summers

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened. — Claudia Gray

Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold." — Denis Leary

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. — Arthur C. Clarke

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End ... ' — Tim Vine

It's arguably the best newspaper in the world. — Steve Coogan

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants — Dave Beard

They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that. — Kevin Keegan

You Too? I thought I was the only one. — C.S. Lewis

That's funny. I've always liked Naomi's version of me the best. I'm always much more interesting when she talks about me. — Rachel Cohn

Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts. — Eoin Colfer

The funny thing is, Ivy, falling in love with you was as easy as breathing. The best time of my life. — Kristen Callihan

The filter's the best part. That's where they put the heroin. — Denis Leary

The two of us, we're the best kind of disaster. Apples and oranges. Well, more like apples and machetes. — Brittany Cavallaro

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best. — Daniel Tosh

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. — Frank Carson

[Ella] "Again, I ask, whose side are you on?"
[Lola] "The side that has the least Dorito-flavored vomit on the floor after the party. — Dakota Cassidy

The human body is the best work of art. — Jess C. Scott

I love my funny poems, but I'd rather break your heart. And if I can do both in the same poem, that's the best. — James Tate

Nature itself is the best physician. — Hippocrates

The best cure for a stick up your butt is a dog to play fetch with. — Ryan Lilly

Its funny how we can go from good friends for months to strangers for years and best friends for hours. Plastic world, realistic people. — Lik Hock Yap

Best to have only a few absolutely perfect trait - for example, my hair and eyes and sparkling personality - so you don't overwhelm. — Kiersten White

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it. — Hiroko Sakai

Indignation is often the best defense. — Diane Capri

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. - SOMERSET MAUGHAM — Sarah Ban Breathnach

I won't let my best friends do silly,stupid,annoying,funny things
-WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!!!! — Azhly Antenor

It is best for ordinary men to have only one wife ! — Akbar

I liked getting the best villain award. I thought that was funny. — Stephen Dorff

Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted. — Richelle E. Goodrich

So does that mean if you won't fuck me because I'm high, I could fuck you because you're not? — K.A. Mitchell

The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce. — Miguel De Cervantes

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

On the best tactic when playing alongside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar- Just give him the ball. — Magic Johnson

It is best one should quote what one doesn't understand at all in the language one knows the least — Voltaire

Laughter is the best medicine — Chase Soundly

What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off? — Parker S. Huntington

Funny how a nice ass, firm pecs, and a great smile could thwart a woman's best plans. — Karina Halle

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. — P.G. Wodehouse

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it's free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE. — Mindy Levy

Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. — Helen Gurley Brown

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. — Phyllis Diller

Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Magic Johnson is the best player who plays on the ground, and Michael Jordan is the best player who plays in the air. — John Paxson

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men — Bill Engvall

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter. — Jim Carrey

Fuck you!" "Right here?" He crossed his arms. "That definitely wouldn't help your getting over me. — Stacey Marie Brown

To me, the best humor is indeed the ability to laugh at one's self. So I give myself endless opportunities to do so. — Tom Althouse

he hadn't killed or shagged even one single person in front of me - which I felt was a rather good indication of his superior character. — Hettie Ivers

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet. — Robert Orben

British education is probably the best in the world, if you can survive it. If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps. — Peter Ustinov

It's funny, but if I had to say whom I'm closer to, who knows me better, I'd have a hard time choosing between my husband and my best friend. — Nancy Thayer

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. — David Ogilvy

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted — George Best

It was funny how one afternoon with a best friend could set a girl right. — Libba Bray

Yes, it's funny, isn't it? You try to do what's best for the people you love, and you just end up in trouble for your efforts. — Kirsten Miller

It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out. — C.S. Lewis

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth. — Jon Foreman

[I]t is funny because economists are not real scientists, and because logicians think more clearly, but mathematicians are best. — Mark Haddon