Aziz Ansari Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Aziz Ansari quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

people have been cheating on each other for as long as they've made promises to be monogamous — Aziz Ansari

What's up with these people and the food analogies?! — Aziz Ansari

Most people would say 'the deets', but I say 'the tails'. Just another example of innovation. — Aziz Ansari

I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat. — Aziz Ansari

One firm takeaway from all our interviews with women is that most dudes out there are straight-up bozos. — Aziz Ansari

If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work. — Aziz Ansari

One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack. — Aziz Ansari

It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing. — Aziz Ansari

no matter how many options we seem to have on our screens, we should be careful not to lose track of the human beings behind them. — Aziz Ansari

Most of my teachers when I grew up were like older white women. So, I couldn't really channel them. — Aziz Ansari

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid. — Aziz Ansari

Online dating is just a vehicle to meet more people," she says. "It's not the place to actually date." For — Aziz Ansari

No nudity or sex happens at hostess clubs. It's basically like prostitution, but they just hang out with you. I was very confused. — Aziz Ansari

I'm in a situation with this girl that's as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration. — Aziz Ansari

But this whole idea of marrying for happiness and love is relatively new. For — Aziz Ansari

I think absurdist humor is funny ... — Aziz Ansari

Come cook food with me and do nothing. — Aziz Ansari

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun. — Aziz Ansari

While we may think we know what we want, we're often wrong". — Aziz Ansari

I've never done online dating. — Aziz Ansari

For the first time in history, the typical American now spends more years single than married. What — Aziz Ansari

At certain times, though, this "I need the best" mentality can be debilitating. — Aziz Ansari

I was surprised to learn that research showed arranged couples tended to be happier in the long run. — Aziz Ansari

I have no interest in art. Let me clarify - I have no interest in non-nude images. — Aziz Ansari

(On a side note, I would give pretty much anything to have been in the room where the guy said, "I've got it! We'll call it . . . Soapland!") — Aziz Ansari

I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff. — Aziz Ansari

OH, Shit! Thanks for buying my book. That money is MINE. — Aziz Ansari

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot. — Aziz Ansari

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true. — Aziz Ansari

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road. — Aziz Ansari

I'm like an elephant, ok? If I walk into a room, it's like, OK, he's in there. — Aziz Ansari

It was brutal to read. After two years the relationship was ended with a ":/," not even a fully fleshed-out emoji. There — Aziz Ansari

I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba! — Aziz Ansari

Some are clearly so confused that they have taken to wearing fedoras. A difficult period indeed. — Aziz Ansari

I prefer being totally sober myself. — Aziz Ansari

made me wonder whether our ability and desire to interact with strangers is another muscle that risks atrophy in the smartphone world. — Aziz Ansari

With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes. — Aziz Ansari

Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. — Aziz Ansari

The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff. — Aziz Ansari

I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.. — Aziz Ansari

Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some G-strings. — Aziz Ansari

leaving, like, "Tanya, you're a very charming lady . . ." She said, "Aziz, you're a pretty charming guy too. — Aziz Ansari

No one's trying to get with jugglers. — Aziz Ansari

I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen. — Aziz Ansari

If you look up feminist in the dictionary, it just means someone who believes men and women have equal rights ... — Aziz Ansari

To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn for simpler times. — Aziz Ansari

When you meet someone you really like and connect with, I think that's very special, and not to be taken for granted. — Aziz Ansari

She felt HORRIBLE. It was the greatest Valentine's Day gift I've ever received. — Aziz Ansari

Emily told us. "I would never go on a first date somewhere in my town because I know all the waiters. I know all the bartenders. I know everybody. — Aziz Ansari

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks. — Aziz Ansari

I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment. — Aziz Ansari

So: just drinks, minimal effort on his part, and you have travel to him. Ladies, are you getting sexually excited just reading this?! — Aziz Ansari

Waiting for true love was a luxury that many, especially women, could not afford. — Aziz Ansari

Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you. — Aziz Ansari

I live in L.A., I go on tour all the time, I'm in New York half the year - it's very hard to be in a relationship. — Aziz Ansari

For women in this era, it seemed that marriage was the easiest way of acquiring the basic freedoms of adulthood. Things — Aziz Ansari

If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it. — Aziz Ansari

what stranger can compete with a video that documents the budding friendship of two baby hippopotamuses? No one, that's who. — Aziz Ansari

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man. — Aziz Ansari

I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero. — Aziz Ansari

And now I'm at home on a laptop again, typing out stuff for this chapter that you are reading right now, possibly on a screen as well! — Aziz Ansari

I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing. — Aziz Ansari

Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life. — Aziz Ansari

I spend so much time on the Internet ... I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading. — Aziz Ansari

Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession. — Aziz Ansari

I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. — Aziz Ansari

Oh, what's this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I'm walking on red carpet. — Aziz Ansari

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man. — Aziz Ansari

I've always tried to maintain that I don't have any advice to give. I'm a curious observer. — Aziz Ansari

Encountering potential partners via online dating profiles reduces three-dimensional people to two-dimensional displays of information, — Aziz Ansari

I write characters that are based on elements of people I know and experiences I've really had. — Aziz Ansari

Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes. — Aziz Ansari

You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'. — Aziz Ansari

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play. — Aziz Ansari

The couples that did the novel and exciting activities showed a significantly greater increase in relationship quality. — Aziz Ansari

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses. — Aziz Ansari

Even if you say you "don't play games," that is a type of game - it is the "I don't play games" game. — Aziz Ansari

Others fear what the morrow may bring. I am afraid of what happened yesterday. — Aziz Ansari

Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best. — Aziz Ansari

If you live a responsible life, you'll run into responsible people, — Aziz Ansari

Today, if you own a smartphone, you're carrying a 24-7 singles bar in your pocket. — Aziz Ansari

Oh, I'm sure he's much more intelligent and thoughtful in person. This is just his "lazy phone persona. — Aziz Ansari

The hardest part about rollerblading is telling your parents you're gay. — Aziz Ansari

At the risk bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit. — Aziz Ansari

I am perpetually indecisive on even the most mundane decisions, and I couldn't imagine leaving such an important choice to other people — Aziz Ansari

Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on. — Aziz Ansari

Acting is a plum gig, and then animation is an even more plum gig. — Aziz Ansari

What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up. — Aziz Ansari

I know my fan base is a smart group of people. — Aziz Ansari

Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you're not supposed to be the coolest guy. — Aziz Ansari

Maybe we are trying to meet every single person in order to be sure we have the best. Maybe we have it all wrong. — Aziz Ansari

I played myself in an Aziz Ansari comedy, and that was funny to see how they saw me ... flowing scarves and a flourish of pink! Eek! — Colin Salmon

I have a couple of 'doing caps' in my wallet. That's what I call condoms. — Aziz Ansari

Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped ... RIGHT NOW? — Aziz Ansari

Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice. — Aziz Ansari

Come on, man, I got a full beard! — Aziz Ansari

London seems to be a town with a lot of comedy fans and people that really enjoy stand-up. — Aziz Ansari

The four sweetest words in the English language - 'You wore me down.' — Aziz Ansari

True love? This guy has a job and a decent mustache. Lock it down, girl. — Aziz Ansari

I often don't answer, but I like receiving them," said one woman, who seemed oblivious to how ridiculous this statement sounded. — Aziz Ansari