Artie Lange Quotes: top 57 famous quotes about Artie Lange

Artie Lange Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Artie Lange quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do. — Artie Lange

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself. — Artie Lange

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night. — Artie Lange

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something. — Artie Lange

Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death. — Artie Lange

I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem. — Artie Lange

Whiskey will always be a part of my life. — Artie Lange

By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long. — Artie Lange

The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons. — Artie Lange

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say. — Artie Lange

Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting. — Artie Lange

The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off. — Artie Lange

I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life. — Artie Lange

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is. — Artie Lange

It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this. — Artie Lange

To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor. — Artie Lange

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep. — Artie Lange

A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian. — Artie Lange

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty. — Artie Lange

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke. — Artie Lange

I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale. — Artie Lange

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself. — Artie Lange

Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. — Artie Lange

I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine. — Artie Lange

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time. — Artie Lange

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that. — Artie Lange

You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?' — Artie Lange

I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro. — Artie Lange

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it? — Artie Lange

For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah. — Artie Lange

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking — Artie Lange

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine. — Artie Lange

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate. — Artie Lange

Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative. — Artie Lange

I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting. — Artie Lange

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38. — Artie Lange

Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose. — Artie Lange

To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it's starting to work on me! — Artie Lange

I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good. — Artie Lange

In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party. — Artie Lange

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row. — Artie Lange

But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything. — Artie Lange

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse. — Artie Lange

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut. — Artie Lange

Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me. — Artie Lange

I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs. — Artie Lange

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation. — Artie Lange

I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. — Artie Lange

The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life? — Artie Lange

It's good to be alive. — Artie Lange

Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me. — Artie Lange

My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be. — Artie Lange

It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs. — Artie Lange

Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing. — Artie Lange

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete. — Artie Lange

Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy. — Artie Lange

When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life. — Artie Lange