Amy Schumer Quotes: top 58 famous quotes about Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Amy Schumer quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

It's relaxing sometimes, just being human. — Amy Schumer

I don't know how introverts survived without the Internet. Or with the Internet. Actually, I don't know how we survive at all. It feels impossible. — Amy Schumer

You know what they say: 'Once you go black, your parents don't talk to you anymore. — Amy Schumer

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty. — Amy Schumer

My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college. — Amy Schumer

Focus on your own goals and how to achieve them. No one took your spot, there's room for all of us. — Amy Schumer

I always did plays, I got the comedic roles in college ... or, uh, the ones that would get naked. — Amy Schumer

She made my favorite breakfast and recruited me to be the cheerleader of her mistake. — Amy Schumer

We all accept too easily that life has to be hard and forget to make sure we have the most fun we can. — Amy Schumer

He was really into family ... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife. — Amy Schumer

I don't even want to know someone who isn't barely hanging on by a thread. — Amy Schumer

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value. — Amy Schumer

I completely identify as female, believe it or not. — Amy Schumer

Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up. — Amy Schumer

You shoot saltwater in your ass? — Amy Schumer

I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was. — Amy Schumer

The saddest revelation I've had in my life is that my parents are people. Sad, human people. — Amy Schumer

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.' — Amy Schumer

My hustle has often involved food, because, much like household pets or toddlers, I am food-motivated, which is a handy thing to know about me. — Amy Schumer

I'm glad I struggled. I think I'd be an asshole if my money were anything other than the "new" kind. — Amy Schumer

To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see. — Amy Schumer

I am crushing so hard on Amy Schumer. Women like her who have chosen to stand up for themselves and face the bullies are being so embraced. — Anne Hathaway

I would be like the third-hottest bartender at a Dave & Buster's in Cincinnati. — Amy Schumer

I wear my mistakes like badges of honor, and I celebrate them. — Amy Schumer

Isn't it funny that they say most girls have daddy issues, when really, every dude does? — Amy Schumer

I am not special just because I'm famous right now. — Amy Schumer

I call myself a comic.But I started as an actress. I did plays since I was 5. — Amy Schumer

He presented to the world the facade of a certain kind of man who wasn't really there. — Amy Schumer

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque. — Amy Schumer

I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will. — Amy Schumer

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?' — Amy Schumer

Seeing the people I love happy. 4. — Amy Schumer

The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh. — Amy Schumer

I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be. — Amy Schumer

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes. — Amy Schumer

I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations. — Amy Schumer

You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom. — Amy Schumer

The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford. — Amy Schumer

It's a weird age. They're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still don't know whether to be like, 'Congratulations,' or 'Do you need a ride? — Amy Schumer

It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna! — Amy Schumer

I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I won't want to do that. But, who knows? — Amy Schumer

First of all, nobody can be innocent and wise at the same time. That's another one of those impossible combinations. — Amy Schumer

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear. — Amy Schumer

I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test. — Amy Schumer

I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot. — Amy Schumer

I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too. — Amy Schumer

It's hard out there for a fuzzy little introvert. — Amy Schumer

tactics for negotiating with adults. I came on pretty strong at my friends' houses because — Amy Schumer

I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time. — Amy Schumer

I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard. — Amy Schumer

I've got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think - I like to think I also have a really good person in me. — Amy Schumer

The saddest realization I've had in my life is that my parents are people. Sad, human people. I aged a decade in that moment. — Amy Schumer

I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you. — Amy Schumer

I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album! — Amy Schumer

The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde. — Amy Schumer

Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom? — Amy Schumer

I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started. — Amy Schumer

I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless. — Amy Schumer