Adam Carolla Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Adam Carolla
Adam Carolla Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Adam Carolla quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
— Adam Carolla
Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
— Adam Carolla
I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.
— Adam Carolla
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
— Adam Carolla
The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
— Adam Carolla
When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
— Adam Carolla
Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.
— Adam Carolla
Now the only thing we have on our hands is too much time, and we're turning on ourselves.
— Adam Carolla
You can be an expert on anything if you just use logic.
— Adam Carolla
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
— Adam Carolla
I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
— Adam Carolla
I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.
— Adam Carolla
I don't have dyslexia, I'm just dumb.
— Adam Carolla
I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
— Adam Carolla
People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
— Adam Carolla
![Adam Carolla Quotes By Adam Carolla: [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/adam-carolla-quotes-by-adam-carolla-1663970.jpg "Adam Carolla Quotes By Adam Carolla: [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent")
No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.
— Adam Carolla
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
— Adam Carolla
I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
— Adam Carolla
Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.
— Adam Carolla
And why do we think for a second that having the government involved will make things better
— Adam Carolla
If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course ... Real estate values go 'boom!'
— Adam Carolla
There are certain things women are better at than men.
— Adam Carolla
That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone ... forever?
— Adam Carolla
We're a morbidly obese rainbow.
— Adam Carolla
I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.
— Adam Carolla
My motto is "more mystery, less history".
— Adam Carolla
The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
— Adam Carolla
My first car was a motorcycle.
— Adam Carolla
I was a horrible student.
— Adam Carolla
I'd never hurt another person.
— Adam Carolla
If you want to know where someone is at physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually, look at where they're living.
— Adam Carolla
The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
— Adam Carolla
Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
— Adam Carolla
I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
— Adam Carolla
Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
— Adam Carolla
If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
— Adam Carolla
I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
— Adam Carolla
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.
— Adam Carolla
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
— Adam Carolla
When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
— Adam Carolla
I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
— Adam Carolla
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
— Adam Carolla
Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
— Adam Carolla
Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
— Adam Carolla
People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'
— Adam Carolla
I know everything because I know nothing.
— Adam Carolla
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
— Adam Carolla
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
— Adam Carolla
I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.
— Adam Carolla
You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
— Adam Carolla
The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.
— Adam Carolla
If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
— Adam Carolla
California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.
— Adam Carolla
Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.
— Adam Carolla
I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
— Adam Carolla
I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
— Adam Carolla
When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
— Adam Carolla
Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
— Adam Carolla
You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
— Adam Carolla
I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
— Adam Carolla
I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
— Adam Carolla
Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn't funny.
— Andy Kindler
Fixing your fucked-up life is not government's job.
— Adam Carolla
I'm just a normal guy with some good solid common sense who has zero tolerance for those with zero intelligence.
— Adam Carolla
I'm not a Republican.
— Adam Carolla
Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
— Adam Carolla
They're not vegetarians because they love cows and pigs, it's because they love attention.
— Adam Carolla
Welfare is monetary methadone.
— Adam Carolla
Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
— Adam Carolla
Being a depressed hippie is a lose-lose. It would be like if a rice cake had the caloric content of a MoonPie.
— Adam Carolla
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
— Adam Carolla
