Adam Carolla Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Adam Carolla

Adam Carolla Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Adam Carolla quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy! — Adam Carolla

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis! — Adam Carolla

Lets not focus on saving a nickel ... lets focus on making a buck. — Adam Carolla

Here's why guys are smarter than women. We're curious. We want to know shit. — Adam Carolla

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything. — Adam Carolla

I've always boxed, I always taught boxing. — Adam Carolla

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays. — Adam Carolla

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing. — Adam Carolla

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars. — Adam Carolla

I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend ... I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex. — Adam Carolla

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself. — Adam Carolla

Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show. — Adam Carolla

Now the only thing we have on our hands is too much time, and we're turning on ourselves. — Adam Carolla

You can be an expert on anything if you just use logic. — Adam Carolla

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none. — Adam Carolla

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy. — Adam Carolla

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick. — Adam Carolla

I don't have dyslexia, I'm just dumb. — Adam Carolla

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars. — Adam Carolla

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on. — Adam Carolla

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month. — Adam Carolla

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader. — Adam Carolla

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla

Screw guilt
I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist! — Adam Carolla

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed. — Adam Carolla

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed. — Adam Carolla

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff. — Adam Carolla

And why do we think for a second that having the government involved will make things better — Adam Carolla

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course ... Real estate values go 'boom!' — Adam Carolla

There are certain things women are better at than men. — Adam Carolla

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone ... forever? — Adam Carolla

We're a morbidly obese rainbow. — Adam Carolla

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. — Adam Carolla

The government is a giant corporation with no competition that is constantly trying to keep you off balance so it can siphon more money from you. — Adam Carolla

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome. — Adam Carolla

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist. — Adam Carolla

My motto is "more mystery, less history". — Adam Carolla

The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car. — Adam Carolla

My first car was a motorcycle. — Adam Carolla

I was a horrible student. — Adam Carolla

I'd never hurt another person. — Adam Carolla

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time. — Adam Carolla

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care. — Adam Carolla

If you want to know where someone is at physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually, look at where they're living. — Adam Carolla

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside. — Adam Carolla

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible. — Adam Carolla

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind. — Adam Carolla

Life is just the time between crapping yourself. — Adam Carolla

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it. — Adam Carolla

I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary. — Adam Carolla

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do. — Adam Carolla

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. — Adam Carolla

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds. — Adam Carolla

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do ... — Adam Carolla

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women. — Adam Carolla

By the way, in that same session an ad popped up that said, "Tired of masturbating?" I thought, "Nope. Try me again in about one-hundred-fifty years. — Adam Carolla

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that. — Adam Carolla

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful. — Adam Carolla

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age. — Adam Carolla

Figure out what to do, then take a nap. — Adam Carolla

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay. — Adam Carolla

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.' — Adam Carolla

I know everything because I know nothing. — Adam Carolla

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it. — Adam Carolla

This silliness always starts with celebrities and then spreads to the common folk. — Adam Carolla

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes. — Adam Carolla

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican. — Adam Carolla

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave. — Adam Carolla

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it. — Adam Carolla

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell. — Adam Carolla

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing. — Adam Carolla

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff. — Adam Carolla

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way. — Adam Carolla

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs. — Adam Carolla

If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not. — Adam Carolla

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart. — Adam Carolla

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way. — Adam Carolla

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating. — Adam Carolla

I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. — Adam Carolla

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. — Adam Carolla

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13. — Adam Carolla

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story. — Adam Carolla

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society. — Adam Carolla

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future. — Adam Carolla

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other. — Adam Carolla

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances. — Adam Carolla

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn't funny. — Andy Kindler

Fixing your fucked-up life is not government's job. — Adam Carolla

I'm just a normal guy with some good solid common sense who has zero tolerance for those with zero intelligence. — Adam Carolla

I'm not a Republican. — Adam Carolla

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average. — Adam Carolla

They're not vegetarians because they love cows and pigs, it's because they love attention. — Adam Carolla

As a kid, did you think when you grew up you'd be spoken to as if you were still in preschool? When did it become okay to treat adults this way? — Adam Carolla

Welfare is monetary methadone. — Adam Carolla

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you. — Adam Carolla

Being a depressed hippie is a lose-lose. It would be like if a rice cake had the caloric content of a MoonPie. — Adam Carolla

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla

It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing. — Adam Carolla

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting. — Adam Carolla

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around. — Adam Carolla