P.G. Wodehouse quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by P.G. Wodehouse

P.G. Wodehouse Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from P.G. Wodehouse on Wise Famous Quotes.

Conversationally, I am like a clockwork toy. I have to be set going.

If this is Upper Silesia, what on earth must Lower Silesia be like?

You can't fling the hands up in a passionate gesture when you are driving a car at fifty miles an hour. Otherwise, I should have done so.

Angela nearly got inhaled by a shark while aquaplaning.

He was one of those earnest, persevering dancers
the kind that have taken twelve correspondence lessons.

The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.

In every romance you have to budget for the occasional dust-up.

The first intimation I had that things were about to hot up was a pained and disapproving cough from the neighbourhood of the carpet.

I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.

The cheers of the multitude frequently act like a powerful drug upon young gentlemen with inferiority complexes.

Vladimir specialized in grey studies of hopeless misery, where nothing happened till page 380, when the muzhik decided to commit suicide.

As a child of eight Mr. Trout had once kissed a girl of six under the mistletoe at a Christmas party, but there his sex life had come to abrupt halt.

As if Nature had intended to make a gorilla, and had changed its mind at the last moment

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant - better left unstirred.

You ever have that feeling when you step down onto a footstep that isn't there?

Filled with a coward rage that dares to burn but does not dare to blaze, Lord Emsworth coughed a cough that was undisguisedly a bronchial white flag.

All nice girls sketch a little.

The storm is over, there is sunlight in my heart. I have a glass of wine and sit thinking of what has passed.

I don't mind people talking rot in my presence, but it must not be utter rot.

That is life. Just one long succession of misunderstandings and rash acts and what not. Absolutely.

A depressing musty scent pervaded the place, as if a cheese had recently died there in painful circumstances.

I knew a chap who bumped his leg, and it turned black and had to be cut off at the knee.' 'You do seem to mix with the most extraordinary people.

of the afternoon Mr. Fitz-Wattle----

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes to its maximum only to the man who has given up golf.

Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.

I never want to see anyone, and I never want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to write.

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts

The unpleasant, acrid smell of burnt poetry.

Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase.

Birds, except when broiled and in the society of a cold bottle, bored him stiff.

I must say my heart leaped up, as Jeeves tells me his does when he beholds a rainbow in the sky.

She has an eye like a man-eating fish

Mr Pett, receiving her cold glance squarely between the eyes, felt as if he were being disembowelled by a clumsy amateur.

Jeeves, whatever his moral defects, would never go about in skirts calling me Bertie.

Tea, pa! said Charlotte, starting at the word like the old war-horse who hears the bugle; and we got down to it.

The ice was not only broken; it was shivered into a million fragments

There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met.

I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.

It was all Mrs. Waddington could do to refrain from hurling a bust of Edgar Allan Poe at her head.

His spirit was willing, but his will was not spirited.

It ought to be a criminal offence for women to dye their hair. Especially red. What the devil do women do that sort of thing for?

Stimulated by the juice, I believe, men have even been known to ride alligators.

Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

You agreee with me that the situation is a lulu?
Certainly, a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, Sir.

A man who can set out in a cab for a fancy-dress ball and not get there is manifestly a poop of no common order.

Mike nodded. A sombre nod. The nod Napoleon might have given if somebody had met him in 1812 and said, So, you're back from Moscow, eh?

Aunt Agatha is like an elephant- not so much to look at, for in appearance she resembles more a well-bred vulture, but because she never forgets.

Gussie opened his vaudeville career

These dreamer types do live, don't they?

Mike's emotion took him back to the phraseology of school days.
'You are an ass!

Much has been written on the subject of bed-books. The general consensus of opinion is that a gentle, slow-moving story makes the best opiate

Don't forget that in pushing policemen into duck ponds the follow through is everything.

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them.

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

If it is bad to be all dressed up and no place to go, it is almost worse to be full of talk and to have no one to talk it to.

The supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons

Anyone looking at you would write you off as a brainless nincompoop with about as much intelligence as a dead rabbit.

I shuttered from hairdo to shoe-sole

Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it.

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.

What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?

I suppose everyone has had that ghastly feeling at one time or another of being urged by some overwhelming force to do some absolutely blithering act.

What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very
different things.

She gave the impression of smiling with difficulty, possibly for fear of getting wrinkles.

I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.

Honestly, Ronnie. I know it hurts your head to think, but try just for a moment.

Don't they put aunts in Turkey in sacks and drop them in the Bosphorus?' 'Odalisques, sir, I understand. Not aunts.

Another of these strong silent men. The world is full of us.

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps ...

Everything is relative. you, for instance, are my relative.

I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.

It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it.

If England wants a happy, well-fed aristocracy, she mustn't have wars. She can't have it both ways.

I call it rotten work, springing unexpected offspring on a fellow at the eleventh hour like this.

She did not cease to look like a basilisk, but she began to look like a basilisk who has had a good lunch.

I turned round and Jeeves shied like a startled mustang.

You can't be a successful Dictator and design women's underclothing.

He groaned slightly and winced like Prometheus watching his vulture dropping in for lunch.

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.

He made a noise like a pig swallowing half a cabbage,

She uttered a sound rather like an elephant taking its foot out of a mud hole in a Burmese teak forest.

You two fit like pork and beans.

If she ever turned into a werewolf, it would be one of those jolly breezy werewolves whom it is a pleasure to know.

If you don't want me to attend the patient I'll go.'
'But she can't see a doctor now.'
'Why not?'
'She isn't well.

It just shows how one half of the world doesn't know how three quarts live.

Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound.

As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight.

Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.

We do not tell old friends beneath our roof-tree that they are an offence to the eyesight.

Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.

...Cupid, who never shoots with a surer aim than through the steam of boarding-house hash, sniped him where he sat.

Mary, in these days, simply couldn't see that he was on the earth. She looked round him, above him, and through him, but never at him;

He looks much more like a lobster than most lobsters do.

Oh, I don't know, you know, don't you know?

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It's a mystery to me how kidnappers ever get caught.

It is not the being paid money in advance that jars the sensitive artist: it is the having to work.

For a time the broken heart, and then suddenly the healing conviction that one is jolly well out of it.