Larry David quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Larry David

Larry David Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Larry David on Wise Famous Quotes.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.

I can't stand reading anything that I've said.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?

No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

I need to be on drugs to connect with nature.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me.

I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

I am not honest.

Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.

I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.

I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through.

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time.

I have no secrets.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

I have reservations about everything I do.

Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course

I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn't need therapy.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Golf and dating don't mix.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It's really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

I'm still driving a Prius, yeah.

I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.

Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

You write about what you know.

I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.'

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

An employee is told that the customer is always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and as asshole

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.

I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself.

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.

Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm being honest.

I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write.

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.

I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.

Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I don't like people cleaning my room.

When I'm in social situations I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don't have to shake hands

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.

I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

I've always loathed rich people, so I've become who I've loathed, which makes it doubly difficult, if you can follow me.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

The addition of nuts in salad ... I always find to be beneficial.

I believe in something.

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

Obviously comedic styles do change.

Sometimes you have to rely on sex and bodily functions.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I don't like to make a big splash anyway.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.