Jenny Eclair Quotes

I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I've been good at.

Family is the one thing that is definitely not disposable.

For me, being a woman suits what I want to talk about and what my audience wants to hear. Maybe I'm a dying breed.

I was trained as an actress. But I wasn't a very convincing actress, so I started doing punk poetry and then fell into doing stand-up.

I still can't set up the ironing-board. A complete Luddite.

I have a very solo career. I only write with people that I really adore.

As a rule, wearing a bigger pair of jeans looks better than squishing yourself into a pair of jeans that used to fit before you gave up smoking.

I only socialise with people that I have a lot in common with.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.

I've got this horrible feeling that I'm one of those people who'll always have to flog their guts out to get anywhere.

I am best viewed from a distance ... and at night.

I admire the Elsie Tanners and Barbara Windsors of the world: people who have crawled back from the abyss. I'm quite camp in that respect.

I love fashion, but I don't come from a background of loving clothes, and I remember feeling badly dressed from a young age.

Without fake tan I have the skin tones of a dead jellyfish.

I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects.

I don't think I'm successful.

I can't stand folk who are all snobby about reality TV.

I've got a hat face. My mother always said I've got a hat face.

I think I might actually die of showing off. It'll be on my headstone - 'Cause of Death: Showing Off.'

My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!

I am best viewed from a distance.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.

I can eat a man, but I'm not sure of the fiber content.

I've never been prudish.

I have always had a need for attention but didn't plan to be a comic.

Anyone who has dead straight hair wants curls.

I'm very bad at having heroes. I don't rate anyone particularly highly because I'm so snide and competitive and not very nice.

I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh.

I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.

I'm very jealous of my daughter's education. She's been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.

I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.

I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.

I know the new comedy god is surrealism, but it doesn't touch my heart.

I don't do marriage. I think it's incredibly naff. And I don't like vulgar displays of ostentation.

I can't tan naturally.

Women are more emotional, and it's natural to talk about it.