J. B. Smoove Quotes

Top 57 wise famous quotes and sayings by J. B. Smoove

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J. B. Smoove quotes: You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him? You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?
J. B. Smoove quotes: I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious. I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.
J. B. Smoove quotes: It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies. It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man. Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man.
J. B. Smoove quotes: My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Some of the best dramatic actors have started in comedy. Some of the best dramatic actors have started in comedy.
J. B. Smoove quotes: A lot of comedians are selfish. A lot of comedians are selfish.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me. I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.
J. B. Smoove quotes: When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage. When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white. I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.
J. B. Smoove quotes: You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to me. You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to me.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I was the hallway clown in high school. I was the hallway clown in high school.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures. I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures.
J. B. Smoove quotes: You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist?
J. B. Smoove quotes: For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place. For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.
J. B. Smoove quotes: At the top of this list has to be "get in that ass". It's the ultimate Leonism to get you through life. At the top of this list has to be "get in that ass". It's the ultimate Leonism to get you through life.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage. I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.
J. B. Smoove quotes: We came here to pick up chicks, not talk about dicks. We came here to pick up chicks, not talk about dicks.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Women put guys through tests all the time. Women put guys through tests all the time.
J. B. Smoove quotes: People love things about Hollywood. People love to see the inside of what's going on. People love things about Hollywood. People love to see the inside of what's going on.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Sometimes, when you get a girl pregnant, you blame the condom. His condom broke that night. Sometimes, when you get a girl pregnant, you blame the condom. His condom broke that night.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I have to satisfy my audience. I have to satisfy my audience.
J. B. Smoove quotes: All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest. All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
J. B. Smoove quotes: You can't let people take advantage of you. Go get that ass. You can't let people take advantage of you. Go get that ass.
J. B. Smoove quotes: It's not even race; it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.' It's not even race; it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.'
J. B. Smoove quotes: Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast. Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
J. B. Smoove quotes: When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class. When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I'm a thief. I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers. I'm a thief. I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace. I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious. Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove. Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I'm looking to be the next comedy mogul. I'm looking to be the next comedy mogul.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat. I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief. I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief.
J. B. Smoove quotes: True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one. True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one.
J. B. Smoove quotes: There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two. There're rules to being the side chick. Rule number one: you're number two.
J. B. Smoove quotes: What happens in improv is you create your own storyline. What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons. I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware? Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?
J. B. Smoove quotes: I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use. I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.
J. B. Smoove quotes: If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late. If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see The Great Gatsby. I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see The Great Gatsby.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Police blog or entertainment news, it's just good to see your name in print. Police blog or entertainment news, it's just good to see your name in print.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima. I wish black people had a flag they could put into the ground, like when the troops stormed Iwo Jima.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.
J. B. Smoove quotes: Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest. Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest.
J. B. Smoove quotes: I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious. I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.