David Wong quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by David Wong

David Wong Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from David Wong on Wise Famous Quotes.

You're the kind of man a man wants when a man wants a man.

Son, the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him. I

John. I would ask you what you are doing, but I fear you would actually tell me.

You see, Frank found out the hard way that the dark things lurking in the night don't haunt old houses or abandoned ships. They haunt minds.

Amy put her hand on mine, her other hand balled up in a fist on the table.

The horizon was shitting a sun, casting a glow on a layer of fog that was settling in the low areas like puddles of ghost piss.

Zoey didn't want to be paranoid, but there was something about the man in the loincloth made of charred doll heads that made her nervous.

I heard a screeching like steam from a teapot, and realized it was me.

You know, I observed a man who masturbated until he bled. Did he want to do that?

That's what it's like being poor - choices are something you sit around and dream about having, some day after you strike it rich.

English should have a word for that feeling you get when you first wake up in a strange room and have no freaking idea where you are.
Hotezzlement?

Do they know they make the honey for you? Or do they work tirelessly because they think its their own choice?

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

Children die every day because millions of us tell ourselves that caring is just as good as doing.

The heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids.

the jet stream undulating over us like an angry snake god.

What do normal people do when they're together?

THE END IS NOT NEAR
IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED
WE JUST DIDN'T CARE

A cockroach has no soul. Yet it runs and eats and shits and fucks and breeds. It has no soul, yet it lives a full life. Just like you.

Of all the dogs I've known in my life, I've never seen a better driver.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked "That if Franz Kafka were here his head would explode?"
"Actually, yeah.

Folding chairs were flying through the air as if propelled by dozens of invisible Bobby Knights.

The floor was littered with paper cups and candy wrappers and cigarette butts and other teenager droppings. I saw a used condom under my shoe.

We don't feel like that's a good faith offer, because it seems more like you're just trying to save money on cockroaches.

A ghost sighting is usually nothing more than your brain trying to put a familiar face on something that does not have a face at all.

A clean conscience is expensive, it's the reason most men have to live paycheck to paycheck.

She burst into snakes.

It was the pink elephant in the room, the thunderous fart in the elevator.

Nobody involved in a conflict thinks they're the villain.

Kittens will make your sad go away

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

Around us, the disembodied human limbs were piling up, forming a circle around the fountain, fusing themselves to each other like Satan's LEGO set.

That's what life is. Adjustment.

Arnie sighed and for a quick moment looked genuinely sympathetic that someone could dream up something this elaborately sad.

Cynicism does not cause inaction..

And, well, that's my story," I said. "I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded.

Okay, there is no possible combination of English words that would form a dumber plan than that.

No. We talked about this. I'm going home to eat a pie.

The kittens will make your sad go away." The

But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.

... all the king's doctors and all the king's pills couldn't make Frank's waking nightmares go away.

I am not the star of a zombie movie. I am the guy in the background who gets eaten in the first montage.

Life is a flickering candle we all carry around. A gust of wind, a meaningless accident, a microsecond of carelessness, and it's out. Forever.

If I knew me as somebody else, I would hate me just as much. Why have a double standard?

I bet his real name is Chad, he looks like one.

He gave me a look that would have made cancer apologize, then ran like hell.

I didn't cry. And if you think I did, good luck proving it, asshole.

The phrase 'sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist' suddenly flew through my mind.

Velvet Jesus faced a shadow man to my left. Laser beams fired from his eyes.

He made the engine growl and told the headlights to fuck the night.

My feet had never been so bare. Those little naked toes.That spider thing probably looks at those like the ears on a chocolate bunny.

Okay, can somebody quickly just summarize for the shotgun department who it's okay and not okay to shoot?

Please don't not panic!" The

We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?

The most powerful impression a person can make is that they don't care if they make an impression.

You know if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty-one feet farther than your shoes?

With a bassy thump and a smell like burnt sulfur, Shitload farted himself far into the air.

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

My melon soul
Crushed by your Gallagher of apathy

And you know what happens when a ship gets too many rats on board? It sinks. That's what.
I wondered if a ship had ever really sunk that way.

You have to talk through the bratwurst from now on.

Whoops,' said John. 'I tossed our ball into another universe.'
'You wanna go home?'
'Yeah, just let me get my ball.

What's up. This is Dave, the one you saw in your hallway. He's not a psychotic killer or anything," he lied

We moved in silence for a moment and I said, "How did we screw this all up so badly, John?"
He shook his head. "We always find a way.

John ducked casually across some DO NOT DUCK CASUALLY ACROSS THIS TAPE tape

I'm scared David"
"That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of

She wasn't some little princess from the suburbs who just graduated college with a humanities degree, she knew what people were really like.

That ability to see the right choice, but not until several hours have passed since making the wrong one? That's what makes a person a dumbass, folks.

My shame circuits burned out from overuse years ago.

There was a faded brown stain on the carpet and I wondered if a patient had once taken a shit in here in the middle of a session. I

You know what the scariest part is about people like him? Everything he's doing makes perfect sense in his own mind.

Some would have doubted their sanity at this point, but by now the part of my mind that issued doubts about my sanity had melted from overuse.

You don't realize how terrifying the world can be for someone like that, someone who would rather stay in a familiar hole than an unfamiliar mansion.

Just go. When you're on your deathbed you're gonna wish you could get back all the time you spent waiting on other people.

The gun without the training just means you've given your attacker a free gun.

Most of the rest of the crowd was lined up in front of food carts selling kebabs, pizza cupcakes, and ice cream churros.

Cops do this every day, rifling closets and digging through your dildo drawer.

You can't focus on death, or failure. Otherwise you're surrendering greatness to all the people too dumb to contemplate it.

Falling in love with a house or a car or a pair of shoes, it was a dead end. You save your love for the things that can love you back.

Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It'll be time to start a Web site soon, where you'll type out everything in one huge paragraph.

When they write the sequel to the Bible, that shit is definitely gonna be in there.

My next novel will be the third volume in the John Dies at the End series, and in fact may already exist, again depending on when you're reading this.

And - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds.

My butt cheeks clenched so tightly that not even light could have escaped.

Welcome to Undisclosed. Dreams
Interpreted for Beer.

No, I don't, like, play an instrument or anything.I'm just ... well, you saw me at the beginning there. I was the guy that fell down and died.

New technology is not good or evil in and of itself. It's all about how people choose to use it.

Anyhow, Molly died, in the way that all really good things die, fast and brutal and for no apparent reason.

I want no part of this nonsense. This whole city is a butt that farts horror.

Your 'let's remain calm and stay put' speech would be a lot more convincing if you weren't giving it in front of a pile of burning skeletons.

We fixed him just by telling him that he wasn't crazy, that the horrors he was seeing were real. He seemed oddly comforted by that. He was a lawyer.

Snap. Ka-chunk. That's how I spell the sound of a doorknob turning.

John jolted awake to find himself staring down a shotgun wielded by his greatest enemy: himself.

I walked right into a girl, broadsided her, felled her like a tree. I saw, to my horror, that it was Jennifer Lopez.

ANYBODY ORDER A JAILBREAK WITH A SIDE OF SHOTGUN?

Molech swung and kicked and slaughtered Mexican food with every mighty blow, while a quarter billion extremely confused Blink users watched. And

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization.

No matter where you go, management is always a bunch of cheap bastards.

Somewhere, Charles Darwin nodded and smiled a knowing smile.