Dave Barry Quotes
Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Dave Barry
Dave Barry Famous Quotes & Sayings
Discover top inspirational quotes from Dave Barry on Wise Famous Quotes.
I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt ...
The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that "hmmmm" noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won't come right out and say "UH-oh!"
Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home.
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You."
When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates!
I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.
I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even those people who love him very much.
I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the U.S. Tax Code, you'd find at least one sex scene ...
The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
Stache's attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics - and a big piece if luck.
The term SAT is a set of initials, or autonym, standing for Scholastic Attitude Treaty Organization.
DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.
The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.
Q. How is the turn signal used in Florida? A. It is used to indicate to other motorists that you do not realize your turn signal is blinking.
English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off ... Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.
Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
Childbirth, as a strictly physical phenomenon, is comparable to driving a United Parcel truck through an inner tube.
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first explain that ...
I suspect that LaGuardia is an elaborate prank, and New York has a real airport nearby that only locals know about.
I'm a big believer in anesthesia. I think it should be used for every medical procedure, indlucing routine physicals.
I want to gag sometimes when I see who "we" are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Miami, you can never run out of material. As long as you have Miami around you, you will never, never stop being amused.
People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
Under Florida's "stand your ground" law, it is legal to shoot anybody for any reason as long as you are standing on the ground.
This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.
The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn."
I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.
Our original idea was to write a book titled Fifty Shades of the Hunger Games, by J.K. Rowling with Stephen King: A John Grisham Novel.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.
This is the funniest book I've ever held in my hands.
Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical
Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical
Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people.
Casket wreath* 13 Diabetes Insulin Leeches* 14 Hatchet embedded in skull Removal of hatchet, treatment of wound Larger
My son, Rob ... said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."
I've gained a few pounds around the middle. The only lower body garments I own that still fit me comfortably are towels.
The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste of a lot of people's lives.
Some of my close friends could easily be deceased; this would not have a serious effect on our relationship.
Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.