Craig Benzine Quotes

Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.

The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!

The coffee's done? I LOVE IT WHEN THE COFFEE'S DONE!

If you're gonna lob something, lob love.

I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.

It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Options are good. Keeps people choosing.

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Theres nothing to fear but
fears themselves, such as monsters,
rejection, food poisoning, redundancy,
monsters, and oxford commas.

People alive are better than people not alive.

Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.

Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.

Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.

Nature is a porno. Deal with it.

Saving time is so important that I'm not even going to finish this sen-it's lunchtime already? Yum yum.

I love it when the coffee's done!

This quote will self-destruct in ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Just kidding ... Or am I?

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Time travel is awesome ... And useful. That sentence had a typo when I typed it ... The first time.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing ... and that's a great way to lose weight.

Everything is optional.
Somethings are illegal.
And some things are really gross.

I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

Don't put clothes on food. It's supposed to be naked.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Are imperfections is which make we grate.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Things that don't exist do exist, they're just really fast.