When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!
If you aren't laughing, you aren't living! 
Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it! 
The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them. 
If God made Adam and Eve, they had children ... wait a minute ... that means someone banged their sister! 
The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away. 
I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim. 
If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby. 
Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed. 
God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people. 
Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay. 
When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping. 
If your gonna drop out of school - tough grades are not your goal - then change your name to Candy and learn to work a pole. 
I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it! 
When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor. 
Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska. 
We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work? 