Bob Monkhouse quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Bob Monkhouse on Wise Famous Quotes.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.

I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

Bob Monkhouse quotes: Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

Bob Monkhouse quotes: Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Bob Monkhouse quotes: My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I got my start in silent radio.

I got my start in silent radio.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Bob Monkhouse quotes: My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

Bob Monkhouse quotes: They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: What do gardeners do when they retire?

What do gardeners do when they retire?

Bob Monkhouse quotes: My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

Bob Monkhouse quotes: Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

Bob Monkhouse quotes: I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Bob Monkhouse quotes: With my wife it was sex, sex, sex ... Yes, three times in 35 years.

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex ... Yes, three times in 35 years.