Bauvard Quotes
Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Bauvard
Bauvard Famous Quotes & Sayings
Discover top inspirational quotes from Bauvard on Wise Famous Quotes.
Self-awareness of one's faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.
Without humor, we'd all be what we're laughing at. Without arrogance, we'd be humiliated to admit we already are.
Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits.
Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal.
Sympathy is why when a man is getting mugged, you let him keep his shirt after you take his life. Funerals are respectable affairs, after all.
Children should have a balanced diet. They should only consume sugar, salt, and fat in equal quantities.
I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered in the fruits of my genius.
The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see gun violence.
Be true to your divided selves. They're the only ones who will support you in moments of vacillation.
Buddhism: a violent religion that has compensated for the exploding human population by causing whole species of animal vessels to go extinct.
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I'm heaven's landscape painter.
A hobby is labor disguising itself as leisure. It is extremely destructive to the boundaries of private life.
I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was 'excuse me'.
There are lots of things sons shouldn't imagine about their mothers, above all what it was like to become one.
Nothing is more attractive than universal appeal. That is what makes androgyny the peacekeeping persuasion.
I don't read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.
Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect.
When a person encounters his own statue and takes a hammer to it, performance art adds depth to greatness.
Cannibal: epicures who abstain from alcohol and tobacco. As moral guides, they are underutilized in the police forces of modern societies.
Water is very bad for one's health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always dying.
Frogs. We all want their long tongues and jumping power, but aspiring superheroes rarely consider the benefits of growing up as sperm.
Privatization will always be a timid ideology as long as architects are allowed to unveil their buildings.
When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it in their face. I'm a librarian, damn it! We only take book donations.
Somewhere in the background of magnificence lurks the kitchen staff. But a magnificent person only forgets about his origins, never his brunch.
First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.
The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.
Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.
Have a baby shower, then an abortion. Now you just have to lose a little weight to squeeze into all your skimpy new outfits.
It is a known fact that pain and pleasure are the two most basic elements of life. But the secret is to simplify that fact.
There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for.
I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I'm very well endowed.
It's best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn't sweat very much.
I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.
Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.
Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.
Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent's past, there's leftover booze and contraceptives.
I happen to find ceilings much lovelier than the night sky myself. Sometimes I just stare at them for hours and wonder what could be up there.
Attacking the person instead of the argument is condemned in logic, widespread in physics, and not used nearly enough in humanism.
Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.
The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology's only credible conspiracy.
To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.
Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.
Some people won't have kids, but I'm not going to have parents. I'm burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.
The only way to tell a fable is to introduce a human. The only way to tell a proverb is to introduce your grandfather.
Dentistry is a precondition to love at first sight. When your eyes meet she beams with happiness, but when you smile back she shows her true reflexes.
Divorce runs high these days, but I'm an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.
Aping the lower class will only lead to fatherless children, unusable muscles, and the fear of tomorrow's sobriety.
Neighbors are the most indecent sort of folk around. Nothing but voyeurs and gossipers. As a community we would be much better off without them.
The French: a people who have used their sophisticated culture and beautiful language to bequeath to the world the sliced potato.
Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.
Sending love letters to first-graders will teach them lessons in cursive. But writing back will test their commitment.
I may be slow, but I know a racist when I'm called one - and I am proud to support the supremacy of the 100-meter leisurely stroll.