Andy Weir Quotes

I'm leaving Mars today, one way or another. About fucking time.

The airlock's on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it's leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I'm in trouble.

There's nothing I would like more than to watch a manned Mars landing.

I guess I should explain how Mars missions work, for any layman who may be reading this.

Sorry for the delay," Vogel said. "I was required to make a bomb.

It was a ridiculous sequence of events that led to me almost dying, and an even more ridiculous sequence that led to me surviving.

I got an e-mail from Venkat Kapoor: Mark, some answers to your earlier questions: No, we will not tell our Botany Team to "Go fuck themselves.

My conclusion was "Fuck it.

Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth.

People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It's even got a pleasant name: "night soil.

Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can't improve on duct tape.

Also, please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the world. [12:15] WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! - (.Y.)

She knew right then no one's mind would change. They were going back to Mars.

Things didn't go exactly as planned, but I'm not dead, so it's a win.

This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure.

An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen.

They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially 'colonised' it. So technically, I colonised Mars.
In your face, Neil Armstrong!

Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie.

Originally self-published, in different form, as an ebook in 2011 .

I wish there were a way to spend more time on the surface. But oh well. 31 sols will have to do.

Fuck you," he said to the planet below.

I was hired as a computer programmer for a national laboratory at age 15.

I'm the first person to be alone on an entire planet.

Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay?

How come Aquaman can control whales? They're mammals! Makes no sense.

i'm pretty much fucked.

Well my math was a damn liar!

If you look up every last detail on your subject, you'll never finish.

I towed the panel away like a redneck removing a tree stump.

Maybe I'll post a consumer review. "Brought product to surface of Mars. It stopped working. 0/10.

AS A chemist, Vogel knew how to make a bomb. In fact, much of his training was to avoid making them by mistake.

Over the past few days, I've been happily making water. It's been going swimmingly. (See what I did there? "Swimmingly"?)

I've been so busy staying alive I never thought of what this must be like for my parents.

A story in your head isn't a story. It's just a daydream until you actually write it down. So write it down.

I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for.

You'd think after almost killing myself twice, I'd be able to stop screwing around with hydrazine. But nope.

You may be wondering what else I do with my free time. I spend a lot of it sitting around on my lazy ass watching TV. But also do you, so don't judge.

Jack, I'm going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia." "I prefer Star Wars,

And where will that "safety" be? Not a damn clue. Anyway, one problem at a time. Right now I'm fixing the EVA suit. AUDIO

Now that NASA can talk to me, they won't shut the hell up.

Any bacteria planning to rot my taters will die screaming. In

It's a terrible thing to have my life depend on my half-assed handiwork.

So, in the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option: I'm going to have to science the shit out of this.

I'm not talking about faith in God, I'm talking about faith in Mark Watney

Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years!

They say no plan survives first contact with implementation. I'd have to agree.

Carefully reaching to the side of my helmet, I got the

It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet.

I used a sophisticated method to remove sections of plastic (hammer), then carefully removed the solid foam insulation (hammer again).

I do know that the best way to make a mediocre movie is to just transcribe the book.

...duct tape is magic and should be worshipped.

But after a morning potato and Vicodin, I was feeling much better.

I've looted that poor Hab for everything it could give me, and in return it's kept me alive for a year and a half. It's like the Giving Tree.

Tomorrow night, I'll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli's favorite hole!

Well, that concept is critical to the "Mark Watney doesn't die" project

But really, they did it because every human being has a basic instinct to help each other out. It might not seem that way sometimes, but it's true.

The time has come (ominous musical crescendo) for some missions!

This is the happiest day of my life.

I am smiling a great smile. The smile of a man who fucked with his car and didn't break it.

Yuri Gagarin had a much more reliable and safe ship than I do. And Soviet ships were death traps.

That's really the limiting factor to life support. Not the amount of oxygen you bring with you, but the amount of CO2 you can remove.

You want an audience. If you didn't, you wouldn't be a writer. The biggest motivation to write is the knowledge that someone will read it.

Watney snorted in their direction. Then he closed his eyes and felt the sun on his face. It was a nice, boring afternoon.

My first book was so horrible I have deleted all copies of it. Thankfully, it was before the Internet, so there are no lurking caches of it anywhere.

Do you believe in God, Venkat?" Mitch asked.
"Sure, lots of 'em," Venkat said. "I'm Hindu.

All the Ares missions use Hermes to get to and from Mars. It's really big and cost a lot so NASA only built one.

I used a geological sample container (also known as "a box").

Mars and my own stupidity keep trying to kill me.

If this becomes a negotiation by diplomats, it will never be resolved. We need to keep this among scientists. Space

(assuming they didn't cancel the program in the wake of my "death").

I wonder how the Cubs are doing.

(50 liters of O2 makes 100 liters of molecules that only have one O each).

Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.

I never realized how utterly silent Mars is. It's a desert world with practically no atmosphere to convey sound. I could hear my own heartbeat.

I started the day with some nothin' tea. Nothin' tea is easy to make. First, get some hot water, then add nothin'.

I'm a well-honed machine in times of crisis.

CNHAKRVR2TLK2PTHFDRPRP4LONGMSG

That's my considered opinion. Fucked. Six days into what should

We'll keep you posted.

I guess you could call it a "failure", but I prefer the term "learning experience".

I would have done it today, but it got dark and I got lazy.

I could cut off an arm and eat it, gaining me valuable calories and reducing my overall caloric need.

Even if it's got a bigger problem, he's an engineer!" Dialing, he added, "Fixing things is his job!

I don't even date; I'm terrible with women.

Fortunately, when you spend a lot of time in space, you learn how to shit in a bag.

Hurray for standardized valve systems!

As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That's the kind of action hero I am.

Don't tell your stories to anyone. You'll be more motivated knowing it's a prerequisite to having an audience.

My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my brain.

FUCK!" Annie Montrose said. "You have got to be fucking kidding me!

Everything went great right up to the explosion.

I experimented with potato skin tea a few weeks ago. The less said about that the better.

You asked my opinion. Don't like it? Go fuck yourself.

I started with a large rigid sample container (or "plastic box" to people who don't work at NASA).

I'm pretty much fucked. That's my considered opinion. Fucked.

It just goes to show," Teddy said. "Love of science is universal across all cultures.

My life depended on some math I'd done earlier. If I dropped a sign or added two numbers wrong, I might never wake up.

because after what I've been through, stuff on Mars should be named after me.

Godspeed, little taters.

Computer programming is pretty much guaranteed income. I'm good at it, and I like it.