Andy Borowitz quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Andy Borowitz on Wise Famous Quotes.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.

Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

Andy Borowitz quotes: If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

Andy Borowitz quotes: The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.

Andy Borowitz quotes: It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.

It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.

Andy Borowitz quotes: You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

Andy Borowitz quotes: US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.

US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

Andy Borowitz quotes: It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

Andy Borowitz quotes: If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

Andy Borowitz quotes: Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

Andy Borowitz quotes: If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them

Andy Borowitz quotes: Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.

Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Andy Borowitz quotes: I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.

I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.

Andy Borowitz quotes: The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Andy Borowitz quotes: NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.

NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

Andy Borowitz quotes: The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.

The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.

Andy Borowitz quotes: A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.

A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.

Andy Borowitz quotes: The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

Andy Borowitz quotes: There is a fine line between social networking and wasting your fucking life.

There is a fine line between social networking and wasting your fucking life.

Andy Borowitz quotes: On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.

On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.

Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.

Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.

Andy Borowitz quotes: As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.

As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.

Andy Borowitz quotes: I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Andy Borowitz quotes: All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

Andy Borowitz quotes: John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.

John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

Andy Borowitz quotes: Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.

Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'

Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'

Andy Borowitz quotes: Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.

Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.

Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

Andy Borowitz quotes: To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.

To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.

Andy Borowitz quotes: A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.

A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.

Andy Borowitz quotes: It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

Andy Borowitz quotes: We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.

We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.

Andy Borowitz quotes: Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Andy Borowitz quotes: As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.