Amy Schumer Quotes
Top 57 wise famous quotes and sayings by Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer Famous Quotes & Sayings
Discover top inspirational quotes from Amy Schumer on Wise Famous Quotes.
I don't know how introverts survived without the Internet. Or with the Internet. Actually, I don't know how we survive at all. It feels impossible.
We all accept too easily that life has to be hard and forget to make sure we have the most fun we can.
He was really into family ... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
My hustle has often involved food, because, much like household pets or toddlers, I am food-motivated, which is a handy thing to know about me.
I'm glad I struggled. I think I'd be an asshole if my money were anything other than the "new" kind.
To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see.
You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'
I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.
The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
It's a weird age. They're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still don't know whether to be like, 'Congratulations,' or 'Do you need a ride?
The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I won't want to do that. But, who knows?
First of all, nobody can be innocent and wise at the same time. That's another one of those impossible combinations.
We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.
I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
I've got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think - I like to think I also have a really good person in me.
The saddest realization I've had in my life is that my parents are people. Sad, human people. I aged a decade in that moment.
I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself. And I am all of you, and I thank you.