Ambrose Bierce Quotes
Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce Famous Quotes & Sayings
Discover top inspirational quotes from Ambrose Bierce on Wise Famous Quotes.
IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.
While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.
Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
I was what some foolish persons are pleased to call, and others, more foolish, are pleased to be called - an aristocrat.
REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.
Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.
Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.
STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.
An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
So I say a name, even if self-bestowed, is better than a number. In the register of the potter's field I shall soon have both. What wealth!
Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.
ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
Moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.
MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.
There's no free will," says the philosopher; "To hang is most unjust." "There is no free will," assents the officer; "We hang because we must.