Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Ambrose Bierce on Wise Famous Quotes.

Ambrose Bierce quotes: TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility. TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices. IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his. While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Connoisseur, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. Connoisseur, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it. ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound. Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Humanity, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets. Humanity, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness. COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office. Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: He did all of this without thinking but with care. He did all of this without thinking but with care.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain. Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent. MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve. Resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Brower was as courageous a criminal as ever lived to be hanged. Brower was as courageous a criminal as ever lived to be hanged.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel. Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white. Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it. If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it. Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian. UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two. The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: An Italian proverb says: The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses. An Italian proverb says: The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude. PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed. REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts. Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure Theology is a thing of unreason altogether, an edifice of assumptions and dreams, a superstructure without a substructure
Ambrose Bierce quotes: ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn. ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: I was what some foolish persons are pleased to call, and others, more foolish, are pleased to be called - an aristocrat. I was what some foolish persons are pleased to call, and others, more foolish, are pleased to be called - an aristocrat.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence. Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: The wife, or bitter half. The wife, or bitter half.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward. When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility. PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it. Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission. Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills. Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted. REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"? CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"?
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go. Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife. UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes. OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam. SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Convictions are variable; to be always consistent is to be sometimes dishonest. Convictions are variable; to be always consistent is to be sometimes dishonest.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things. Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. Diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with. RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection. Pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached. STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women. Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution. ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost. PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world. AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue. Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with. PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic. RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible. A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Humor, like Death, has all seasons for his own. Humor, like Death, has all seasons for his own.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had. When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: So I say a name, even if self-bestowed, is better than a number. In the register of the potter's field I shall soon have both. What wealth! So I say a name, even if self-bestowed, is better than a number. In the register of the potter's field I shall soon have both. What wealth!
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Think twice before you speak to a friend in need Think twice before you speak to a friend in need
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it. LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Phoenix, n. The classical prototype of the modern 'small hot bird.' Phoenix, n.
The classical prototype of the modern 'small hot bird.'
Ambrose Bierce quotes: ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden. ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them. RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: I think that I think, therefore I think that I am; I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;
Ambrose Bierce quotes: War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy. Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction. INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it. PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency. Moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt. MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: There's no free will," says the philosopher; "To hang is most unjust." "There is no free will," assents the officer; "We hang because we must. There's no free will," says the philosopher; "To hang is most unjust." "There is no free will," assents the officer; "We hang because we must.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex. FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men. The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil. To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.
Ambrose Bierce quotes: Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.

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