Robert Orben quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Robert Orben

Robert Orben Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Robert Orben on Wise Famous Quotes.

Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected

An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.

As much as we admire all the characteristics of a Ronald Reagan, as soon as something goes wrong, people will hate those same characteristics.

Realists know where they're going. Dreamers have already been there.

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

I don't want to say anything about my kids ... but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Did you ever get to wondering if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

I take my children everywhere. Unfortunately, they find a way home.

If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.

I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it - after all, they've already given us tasteless bread.

These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.

New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!

I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.

You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.

Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.

I'm beginning to wonder about my broker. Yesterday I told him to buy a hundred shares of A.T.&T. He said, 'Would you spell that?'

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

To exercise is human; not to is divine.

Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Did you hear about the woman who sent out 40,000 Valentine Cards doused in perfume and signed, "Guess Who?" She's a divorce lawyer.

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

THe world now has so many problems that if Moses had come down from Mount Sinai today, the two tablets he'd carry would be aspirin.

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.

Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.

Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always
high, and the results usually disappointing.

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.

It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Hong Kong its the way the egg rolls.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.

Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.

I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.

Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.

Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.