Richard Armour Quotes

Here is where people,
One frequently finds,
Lower their voices
And raise their minds.

Dedicated to that amazing device, the Required Reading List, better even than artificial respiration for keeping dead authors alive.

If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

I miss my mattress when I am gone; It's one thing I've made an impression on.

This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That's why his partner, who stood too close, Is on the green in two.

[Beowolf] is considered an epic because of its long speeches, its digressions, its repetition, and its being required.

Almost nothing is known about Homer, which explains why so much has been written about him.

The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial.

Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And I - well, I'm always furious.

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

Shake and shake the catsup bottle. None will come, and then a lot'll.

The hand is quicker than the eye is,
but somewhat slower than the fly is.

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.

Each year it grows harder to make ends meet - the ends I refer to are hands and feet.

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: it said, 'goodbye

Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.

If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.

There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

The author apologizes for being unable to afford a ghost writer, which explains the lack of a distinctive prose style.

[John Foster Dulles] invented Brinkmanship, the most popular game since Monopoly.

Scott calls Bois-Guilbert "an unprincipled voluptuary," which is hard to improve on.

I've suffered from all of the hang-ups known, and none is as bad as the telephone.

Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.

Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

(Francis) Bacon's best known writings are his essays. They are loved for many reasons, such as their being so short.

I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.

Middle -age is the time of life, that a man first notices - in his wife.

They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they're worse to get on