Red Skelton quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Red Skelton

Red Skelton Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Red Skelton on Wise Famous Quotes.

Red Skelton quotes: I only come to life when there are people watching.

I only come to life when there are people watching.

Red Skelton quotes: There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

Red Skelton quotes: Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.

Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.

Red Skelton quotes: Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Red Skelton quotes: She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

Red Skelton quotes: All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Red Skelton quotes: Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

Red Skelton quotes: I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.

I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.

Red Skelton quotes: I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Red Skelton quotes: Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.

Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery - it's plagiarism.

Red Skelton quotes: I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.

I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise.

Red Skelton quotes: Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

Red Skelton quotes: I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.

I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.

Red Skelton quotes: I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

Red Skelton quotes: Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Red Skelton quotes: Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

Red Skelton quotes: I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.

I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.

Red Skelton quotes: Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Red Skelton quotes: His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.

His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.

Red Skelton quotes: I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

Red Skelton quotes: I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.

I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.

Red Skelton quotes: Congress: Bingo with billions.

Congress: Bingo with billions.

Red Skelton quotes: I left home because I was hungry.

I left home because I was hungry.

Red Skelton quotes: Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Red Skelton quotes: I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

Red Skelton quotes: It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.

It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it.

Red Skelton quotes: I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

Red Skelton quotes: I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Red Skelton quotes: You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

Red Skelton quotes: We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas

Red Skelton quotes: Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Red Skelton quotes: No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

Red Skelton quotes: I've put on a lot of weight ... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

I've put on a lot of weight ... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

Red Skelton quotes: I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

Red Skelton quotes: I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.

I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.

Red Skelton quotes: You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

Red Skelton quotes: God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

Red Skelton quotes: My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.