Tosh Funny Quotes: top 35 famous quotes about Tosh Funny

Tosh Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Tosh Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender. — Daniel Tosh

Technology is a Beautiful Thing ...
When It Works ... — Me

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house ... — Daniel Tosh

It's not a stereotype if it's always true. — Daniel Tosh

It's not Spring Break until somebody dies! — Daniel Tosh

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary. — Daniel Tosh

The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes. — Daniel Tosh

I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences. — Daniel Tosh

Don't drink to get drunk. Drink to enjoy life. — Jack Kerouac

Zola smills, smuggles, what is that word? What is it, that word for the happy teeth?? — Sharon Creech

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower. — Daniel Tosh

That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere. — Daniel Tosh

God blesses us financially "so that" we can be a blessing to others. — Danette Crawford

God will forgive me; that's his business. — Heinrich Heine

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin. — Daniel Tosh

You can hurt someone and not even know it. — Bob Dylan

All cynics are disappointed idealists. The more stars in the eyes, the harder the fall. — Josh Lanyon

You are a sick freak who should be beaten. — Daniel Tosh

Art, if it is successful, needs no explanation. — Leonard Nimoy

Reconsider your life and see how you can make things work for yourself — Sunday Adelaja

Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of. — Daniel Tosh

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed. — Daniel Tosh

Everywhere, I am welcome, I will stay there. — Lailah Gifty Akita

It was her mother, I didn't know what to say, I was hanging by a string. She said, hey you two, I was once like you and liked to do the wild thing. — Tone-Loc

Watching people you love walk into danger is a hundred times harder than walking into it yourself. — Rysa Walker

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them. — Daniel Tosh

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts. — Daniel Tosh

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best. — Daniel Tosh

Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her ... — Daniel Tosh

I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have to sweat for cancer. I'll write a check. — Daniel Tosh

Usually form seems to find me in the process of writing a poem, though I have nothing against starting out with the form. — Matthea Harvey

Know thyself. Nothing in excess. The Self is required to balance the Self. — Ralph Blum

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent. — Daniel Tosh

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it. — Daniel Tosh

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine - everybody drinks water. — Marilyn French