
My
roommate's not suicidal
But it sounds sexier than saying
that she closes her eyes sometimes
when she's changing lanes. —
Chad Anderson

Calling her mother who didn't seem particularly worried, but claimed she had no idea," Jett said. "The
roommate's gone with her, so I can only —
J.C. Reed

I really like to put my name on everything, so my
roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that. —
Jon Stewart

The other day I walked in on my
roommate while I was masturbating. —
Nick Thune

Vengeance was one hell of a
roommate. —
J.R. Ward

Also, he had the kind of mustache a college
roommate of hers used to say looked like it had crawled up to find a warm spot to die. —
Lorrie Moore

Dogs are like kids. Cats are like
roommates. —
Oliver Gaspirtz

We're sisters, we're
roommates, we're all that. —
Serena Williams

There is little worse than when the person to whom you want to apologize is having great sex in your room. —
Thomm Quackenbush

The qualities we appreciate in a character are not the same as those we would look for in a college
roommate. —
Margaret Atwood

Was I really reading my
roommate's journal behind his back? Of course I was. —
Junot Diaz

I can't take living in this dorm," the voice on speaker says. "My
roommate's a fruit loop dingus. —
Colleen Hoover

Get your product in front of actual, living, breathing strangers. Your college
roommate's approval does not mean there's market demand. —
Kathryn Minshew

Interesting" he said. "You know, Simon never mentioned that his
roommate was a werewolf. —
Cassandra Clare

I used to arm wrestle my
roommate in college. Based on that, I'm in pretty good shape. —
Dasha Zhukova

Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst
roommate. —
Anne Lamott

Know you got a
roommate, call me when it's no one there. Put the key under the mat and you know I'll be over there —
Drake

I had this
roommate in college who would get up almost 2 hours before class to do hair and makeup. That's not for me. —
Kim Raver

My
roommate's a fruit loop dingus. —
Colleen Hoover

Cooper was my road
roommate, and also happened to be the first African American player drafted by a National Basketball Association team. —
Bob Cousy

He told his
roommate that when he was writing, I can't feel my ass in the chair. —
D.T. Max

Simon rolled his eyes. Apparently, all Shadowhunter dudes were underwear models, including his new
roommate. His life was a joke. Julie seemed —
Cassandra Clare

I used to keep my college
roommate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her textbooks. —
Joan Walsh Anglund

My first college
roommate greeted me with a shocked silence followed by, 'So ... you're black.' —
Al Roker

Between me and my
roommate, we've hit 400 Major League home runs. —
Bob Uecker

If you lived with a
roommate as unstable as capitalism ... —
Richard D. Wolff