I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.
— Mitch Hedberg
Everyone has this universal understanding of roommate drama.
— Leighton Meester
A good roommate may be the single most important thing to have when one is away at school.
— Barbara Dana
I've never had a roommate, even when I was growing up.
— Jennette McCurdy
My daughter MacKenzie is so important to me. I have a tattoo on my arm for her. My roommate gave me the name for her.
— Mike Evans
My roommate's not suicidalBut it sounds sexier than saying
that she closes her eyes sometimes
when she's changing lanes. — Chad Anderson
Calling her mother who didn't seem particularly worried, but claimed she had no idea," Jett said. "The roommate's gone with her, so I can only — J.C. Reed
I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that. — Jon Stewart
The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating. — Nick Thune
Vengeance was one hell of a roommate. — J.R. Ward
Also, he had the kind of mustache a college roommate of hers used to say looked like it had crawled up to find a warm spot to die. — Lorrie Moore
Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates. — Oliver Gaspirtz
We're sisters, we're roommates, we're all that. — Serena Williams
There is little worse than when the person to whom you want to apologize is having great sex in your room. — Thomm Quackenbush
The qualities we appreciate in a character are not the same as those we would look for in a college roommate. — Margaret Atwood
Was I really reading my roommate's journal behind his back? Of course I was. — Junot Diaz
I can't take living in this dorm," the voice on speaker says. "My roommate's a fruit loop dingus. — Colleen Hoover
Get your product in front of actual, living, breathing strangers. Your college roommate's approval does not mean there's market demand. — Kathryn Minshew
Interesting" he said. "You know, Simon never mentioned that his roommate was a werewolf. — Cassandra Clare
I used to arm wrestle my roommate in college. Based on that, I'm in pretty good shape. — Dasha Zhukova
Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate. — Anne Lamott
Know you got a roommate, call me when it's no one there. Put the key under the mat and you know I'll be over there — Drake
I had this roommate in college who would get up almost 2 hours before class to do hair and makeup. That's not for me. — Kim Raver
My roommate's a fruit loop dingus. — Colleen Hoover
Cooper was my road roommate, and also happened to be the first African American player drafted by a National Basketball Association team. — Bob Cousy
He told his roommate that when he was writing, I can't feel my ass in the chair. — D.T. Max
Simon rolled his eyes. Apparently, all Shadowhunter dudes were underwear models, including his new roommate. His life was a joke. Julie seemed — Cassandra Clare
I used to keep my college roommate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her textbooks. — Joan Walsh Anglund
My first college roommate greeted me with a shocked silence followed by, 'So ... you're black.' — Al Roker
Between me and my roommate, we've hit 400 Major League home runs. — Bob Uecker
If you lived with a roommate as unstable as capitalism ... — Richard D. Wolff
