Roommate Quotes

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year. — Mitch Hedberg

Everyone has this universal understanding of roommate drama. — Leighton Meester

A good roommate may be the single most important thing to have when one is away at school. — Barbara Dana

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. — Steven Wright

I liked watching myself on TV. My first job was hosting the 'Roommate Game'. — Dave Annable

Chris Boardman was my first teammate and my first roommate. I saw him finish his career with an hour record and thought, 'Yeh, what a way to go out!' — Jens Voigt

I've never had a roommate, even when I was growing up. — Jennette McCurdy

Me and my roommate wrote and directed a little short comedy called 'The Elevator.' — Heather Morris

Butch put his hand on his roommate's nape and murmured, I'll do the saving until you get your head back, how about that? I'll keep you safe. — J.R. Ward

My roommate and my boyfriend, they both know I am compulsive and controlling. — Christina Ricci

My daughter MacKenzie is so important to me. I have a tattoo on my arm for her. My roommate gave me the name for her. — Mike Evans

My roommate's not suicidal
But it sounds sexier than saying
that she closes her eyes sometimes
when she's changing lanes. — Chad Anderson

Calling her mother who didn't seem particularly worried, but claimed she had no idea," Jett said. "The roommate's gone with her, so I can only — J.C. Reed

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that. — Jon Stewart

The other day I walked in on my roommate while I was masturbating. — Nick Thune

Vengeance was one hell of a roommate. — J.R. Ward

Also, he had the kind of mustache a college roommate of hers used to say looked like it had crawled up to find a warm spot to die. — Lorrie Moore

Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates. — Oliver Gaspirtz

We're sisters, we're roommates, we're all that. — Serena Williams

There is little worse than when the person to whom you want to apologize is having great sex in your room. — Thomm Quackenbush

The qualities we appreciate in a character are not the same as those we would look for in a college roommate. — Margaret Atwood

Was I really reading my roommate's journal behind his back? Of course I was. — Junot Diaz

I can't take living in this dorm," the voice on speaker says. "My roommate's a fruit loop dingus. — Colleen Hoover

Get your product in front of actual, living, breathing strangers. Your college roommate's approval does not mean there's market demand. — Kathryn Minshew

Interesting" he said. "You know, Simon never mentioned that his roommate was a werewolf. — Cassandra Clare

I used to arm wrestle my roommate in college. Based on that, I'm in pretty good shape. — Dasha Zhukova

Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate. — Anne Lamott

Know you got a roommate, call me when it's no one there. Put the key under the mat and you know I'll be over there — Drake

I had this roommate in college who would get up almost 2 hours before class to do hair and makeup. That's not for me. — Kim Raver

My roommate's a fruit loop dingus. — Colleen Hoover

Cooper was my road roommate, and also happened to be the first African American player drafted by a National Basketball Association team. — Bob Cousy

He told his roommate that when he was writing, I can't feel my ass in the chair. — D.T. Max

Simon rolled his eyes. Apparently, all Shadowhunter dudes were underwear models, including his new roommate. His life was a joke. Julie seemed — Cassandra Clare

I used to keep my college roommate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her textbooks. — Joan Walsh Anglund

My first college roommate greeted me with a shocked silence followed by, 'So ... you're black.' — Al Roker

Between me and my roommate, we've hit 400 Major League home runs. — Bob Uecker

If you lived with a roommate as unstable as capitalism ... — Richard D. Wolff