Phyllis Diller Best Quotes: top 34 famous quotes about Phyllis Diller Best

Phyllis Diller Best Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Phyllis Diller Best quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. — Phyllis Diller

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. — Phyllis Diller

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. — Phyllis Diller

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they'd boo. — Phyllis Diller

My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe. — Phyllis Diller

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves. — Phyllis Diller

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on. — Phyllis Diller

When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests. — Phyllis Diller

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs. — Phyllis Diller

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. — Phyllis Diller

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water. — Phyllis Diller

Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn. — Phyllis Diller

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity. — Phyllis Diller

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate. — Phyllis Diller

The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation. — Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. — Phyllis Diller

I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard. — Phyllis Diller

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce. — Phyllis Diller

Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice. — Phyllis Diller

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality. — Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. — Phyllis Diller

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser. — Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. — Phyllis Diller

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor ... I was committed! — Phyllis Diller

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned. — Phyllis Diller

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear. — Phyllis Diller

Money's scarce
Times are hard
Here's your fucking
Xmas card — Phyllis Diller

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes. — Phyllis Diller

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough. — Phyllis Diller

Self-pity is better than none. — Phyllis Diller

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. — Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. — Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance. — Phyllis Diller

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller