My parents are both super funny, and I always knew I wanted to be on 'SNL.' My mom and I would watch it a lot.
— Casey Wilson
My parents' marriage is a gift to everyone around them - 60 years of making their kids laugh. How many parents are actually funny?
— Louise Erdrich
My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
— Chic Murray
My parents are both really, really funny, and my little sister is a really good painter, and my other sister is a really good writer.
— Michael Cera
Where are all the sour patch parents?
— Bo Burnham
Talk about getting off tangent. My mother's friend may have just killed his wife and my parents are sitting there talking about cows.
— Wendy Lichtman
If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.
— Marcelene Cox
I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker. — Robert De Niro
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children. — Samuel Butler
I don't know if I was funny as a child, though I always thought my parents really enjoyed listening to me sing. — Pippa Evans
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. — Norman Wisdom
I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas ... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do! — Lisa Lampanelli
My parents are a bedrock. And I have three complex, strong, and funny sisters who inspire and sustain me. — Christina Baker Kline
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back — Rodney Dangerfield
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. — P. J. O'Rourke
T's funny, but your parents can give you everything in the world, but they can't teach you what to do with it. That, you have to learn for yourself. — Amanda Carpenter
Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana
My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English. — Margaret Cho
Some people won't have kids, but I'm not going to have parents. I'm burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight. — Bauvard
Better a loving single-parent family than a 'conventional' family where the parents hate each other and the father is a demagogue. — Moby
Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt. — S.K. Tremayne
My parents were very funny - they didn't know it. But they were. They were actually sharing an IQ. — Tim Conway
Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. — Socrates
My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio. — Rodney Dangerfield
It's funny how much influence our parents have on us." "True. — Susan Wiggs
It's especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do. — Sean Covey
It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of. — Daniel Tosh
It's funny, when you start talking about primitive scenes, so many people have seen their parents having sex. — Gaspar Noe
If she rented the studio in town, I'd probably never see either of my parents again. Well, except for dinner. They usually showed up for food — Maggie Stiefvater
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education ... because they were both druids. — Milton Jones
