Out Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Out Funny

Out Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Out Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out. — Tim Vine

God turned out to be a bunch of bad little kids playing interstellar Xbox. Isn't that funny? — Stephen King

Just rolled out of bed."
"I can see that." His eyes swept over me. "You should roll around in your bed more often. — Veronica Blade

Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. — Tracy Morgan

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure. — Katt Williams

If I tell you another seven hundred times, maybe one of these days you might turn your clothes right side out when you put them in the hamper, eh? — Jodi Picoult

This isn't funny Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes! — Castiel

It was a typically British birth ... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward ... I came out in sympathy. — Bob Hope

Will you go out with me for a cup of coffee?" "No." "No?" "I prefer tea, thank you. — Padma Venkatraman

After I chased the werewolf and the vampire out of my office, I changed my clothes. — Ilona Andrews

My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf. — Anthony Jeselnik

That's for me to know, and for you to find out. — Ally Carter

We hould totally make out right now — Jennifer Lawrence

The besom of reform hath swept him out of office, and a worthier successor wears his dignity and pockets his emoluments. — Nathaniel Hawthorne

Montefusco bare-hands it and throws him out. That grounder will make you a traveling salesman in a hurry! — Jerry Coleman

It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny. — Charles Willeford

DeShaies is like a clock out there. Every other pitch goes one way or the other. — Jerry Coleman

Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave. — Jim Butcher

The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that "hmmmm" noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won't come right out and say "UH-oh!" — Dave Barry

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms. — Rodney Dangerfield

One should avoid carrying out an experiment requiring more than 10 per cent accuracy. — Walther Nernst

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane." — Franklyn Ajaye

It's funny how easy it is to point out other peoples mistakes and make our own mistakes seem insignificant. — Jack Kirby

If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck. — Jerry Coleman

I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it's wearing a bow tie in its mouth. — Ana Claudia Antunes

He had senile dementia and liked to go outside naked, but he could still do two things perfectly: win at checkers and write out prescriptions. — Barbara Kingsolver

There's been a lot of coming home in the early mornings after funny nights out, having bizarre sandwiches in bed. — Neneh Cherry

Funny, isn't it? I've known every love possible, but as the years stretched out, the love I longed for the most is the one I shared with my sister. — Josephine Angelini

Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window. — David Letterman

Who's there?"
"The scratcher of your itch," he said.
She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. "Was that supposed to be romantic? — Jill Shalvis

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? — Robert Benchley

Shirley MacLaine said, You're so funny, then gave me a hug. Everything went white. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. I thought I was going to pass out. — Lisa Kudrow

When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line. — Nenia Campbell

Anything you say can and will be used against you, so only say my name. — Fall Out Boy

It's too difficult to start right from scratch and try and be funny out of the blue. — John Cleese

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual. — Carrie Harris

You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you? — Meg Cabot

Lying in bed with Johnny Depp sussing out which males are what kind of pet from their clothes. — Diane Messidoro

How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath
To say to me that thou art out of breath? — William Shakespeare

Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife — Ruth Downie

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. — Rodney Dangerfield

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day. — H. L. Hunt

I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit — Ann Everett

I didn't know if I could stop her with one blow. But I could whack the crap out of her. — Rachel Vincent

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. — Steven Wright

Wow, is that Katniss making out with Yoda? — Becky Albertalli

You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie. — Jim Gaffigan

Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out. — Rich Vos

Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could at least three songs out of. — Beth Garrod

I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything." — Mitch Hedberg

It's not hard to fail ... it's hard to accept you failed ... but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing — Josh Stern

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner

Let go of him, for cryin' out loud! — Virginia Smith

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section. — Chic Murray

It's funny when you get married, you do find other couples to hang out with. — Jennifer Lopez

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow — Josh Stern

The first time you went out, you became mixed up with a group of radical political terrorists."
"That could have happened to anyone! — Lisa Kleypas

I suppose the things you remember about someone who has died are the funny moments. Those are the ones that stand out. — Harry Lloyd

It's funny, I never think I'm doing that well. I've never, ever. I just constantly think, 'This isn't working out.' — Dominic Cooper

'Come out' is so funny to me because I've never been in. — Adam Lambert

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of. — Henny Youngman

She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me,' because the questions, they came a-calling. — Kresley Cole

There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your wand and saying a few funny words. — J.K. Rowling

Germany are a very difficult team to play ... they have eleven internationals out there today. — Steve Lomas

Funny thing about true happiness, though. You never know it's inside you until someone pulls it out. — Meghan Quinn

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? — Janet Evanovich

Sylvester Stallone is very funny and he's a great guy to hang out with. — Eric Roberts

Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you. — Jerry Coleman

Time has that funny way of smoothing out the rough edges of things, even ones that hurt a little bit. Or a lot. — Megan Hart

They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe. — Jerry Coleman

she was enveloped by a wave of calm. Funny how just seeing the giant logo of an apple with a bite out of it did that to her. — Michelle Gagnon

Eat your heart out. Oh, wait. You can't. It's not organic. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

It's funny how things work out sometimes. — Anthony Horowitz

Snake pulled out the digital camera and decided to play a joke on Otacon. He snapped a picture of the pinup, muttered, "Good," and closed the door. — Raymond Benson

We're just playing basketball. It's not like we're going out to have unprotected sex with Magic. — Charles Barkley

Most of the people I admire, they usually smell funny and don't get out much. It's true. Most of them are either dead or not feeling well. — Tom Waits

I can't make out what they're saying; it sounds like: hiss, blah, she hiss, squeak. But the aunt appears to speak the native language. — Emma Chase

If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great. — Erin Dionne

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. — Steven Wright

She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. — Tammara Webber

Sukhvinder wished that she could be more like Krystal: funny and tough; impossible to intimidate; always coming out fighting. — J.K. Rowling

It would be a really bad idea to let this person loose."

"How bad of an idea?"

"Kicking-Hitler-out-of-art-school bad. — Rin Chupeco

My self-confidence can be measured out in teaspoons mixed into my poetry, and it still always tastes funny in my mouth. — Sarah Kay

People in hell want snowcones. — Nora Roberts

If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine. — David Cross

Well. Yes. Someone's trying to kill me. But you don't have to make such a big deal out of it. — Sarah Rees Brennan

Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted. — Richelle E. Goodrich

Funny how you can think that the world is ending but still believe things will work out. We always think there's going to be a happy ending somewhere. — Lorna Jane Cook

He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery. — Holly Black

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. — Russell Brand

Whoa, who was that?"
"Madison Stone," Kiara mutters.
"Introduce me to her."
"Why?"
Because I know it'll annoy the shit out of you. — Simone Elkeles

Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform. — Jay Leno

It's probably polite to pretend you don't see people coming out of pawnshops, anyhow. — Dashiell Hammett

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!' — Chris Rock

To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong! — Chad Michael Murray

I don't think I was anything short of ecstatic when I found out 'It's Kind of a Funny Story' would be premiering in Toronto. — Keir Gilchrist

My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a window before. — Various

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying. — Thabang Gideon Magaola

If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? — George Carlin