My Funny Man Quotes: top 80 famous quotes about My Funny Man

My Funny Man Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational My Funny Man quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it' — Tommy Cooper

My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo. — Henny Youngman

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!" — Henny Youngman

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off! — Henny Youngman

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. — Rita Rudner

A man who does not think and plan long ahead will find trouble right at his door. — Confucius

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife. — E.W. Howe

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. — Rita Rudner

The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can't afford a yes man. — Robertson Davies

Alright, manly man," he says. "Go prove that you're a man. — Jessica Sorensen

A company is known by the people it keeps. — Will Rogers

Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them. — Mae West

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa. — Molly Harper

Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore. — Lois Greiman

An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The moment was surreal. A sometimes-autistic young man with two identities lecturing a room full of zombies on feelings and realities. — Jonathan Friesen

I have never pretended to be any kind of super-religious kind of man, but I feel very strongly that you can be funny without being dirty. — Jonathan Winters

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!" — Henny Youngman

My persona has always been what a man was never supposed to be. Outrageous, gregarious, crazy, silly, funny. — Richard Simmons

Woman: You certainly know the way to a man's heart.
Mae West: Funny, too, 'cause I don't know how to cook. — Mae West

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man". — Russell Beland

The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases. — Nia Vardalos

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have."
"The better to style with, my dear. — Neal Shusterman

There once was a man who was sore
'Cuz his wife wouldn't open the door.
Celibacy
is just not for me
Let me in, you cock-teasing whore. — Jake Wizner

Every man has a sane spot somewhere. — Robert Louis Stevenson

Four young men in motorcycle jackets... set upon the man in khaki shorts and beat him unconscious with his own sandwich board. — Stephen King

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde

Hey, if having a beautiful, smart, funny, talented man love me unconditionally for the rest of my life makes me a victim, then that's what I am. — Victoria Denault

I did. I did see Bigfoot when I was a kid and I still believe it to this day. I saw a big furry man outside my window. It's not funny! It was real. — Barry Watson

The person who proclaimed me Best Dressed Man never saw me in my sport outfit. — Robert Pattinson

Labor is a man crowning glory."
"Not this man's."
"I quote Marx"
I raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough.
"I quote blisters. — John Fowles

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!" — Henny Youngman

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. — Frank Carson

I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No ... got any Snapple?' — Mike Birbiglia

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton. — Chic Murray

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. — Rodney Dangerfield

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium. — Henny Youngman

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started! — Rodney Dangerfield

My father was a very funny man, and one of my strongest recollections is hearing him laugh. He didn't like people who had no sense of humour. — Mike Myers

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer." — Rodney Dangerfield

Man, my girl is one tough chick when she wants to be. I wonder if it has something to do with those
big, comfy granny panties she's got on. — Simone Elkeles

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Shaga: How would you like to die, little man?
Tyrion: In my bed, at the age of eighty with a belly full of wine and a woman's mouth around my cock. — George R R Martin

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!" — Henny Youngman

I could pull off a 'man', but never, quite, a 'dude'. — Adrian Barnes

This man dresses like an unmade bed. — Henny Youngman

In a man, I like funny guys. A guy who doesn't have a lot of therapy, who's mature. A man, not a boy. — Maura Tierney

You want me to be a man,older than you, who goes by the name of Roullard. — Wendelin Van Draanen

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin. — Daniel Tosh

Nevertheless, he was already a sick man. He had gotten more than gas at Bill Hapscomb's Texaco. And he gave Harry Trent more than a speeding summons. — Stephen King

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid. — Frank Carson

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman

I beg your pardon; I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man. — Santosh Kalwar

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife. — Bob Phillips

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. — Tommy Cooper

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run. — Milton Jones

Chris Rock is a very funny man. — Willie Geist

A man who views the world the same ... — Muhammad Ali

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange! — Charles Dickens

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard." — Frank Carson

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads. — Henny Youngman

Y are you called the cheese man? — Barbara Park

Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

I wrote an entire movie [Man up] about how important I think voices are, so it was funny. — Lake Bell

This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever been asked. — David Coleman

It's funny, because I'm a man of strong opinions and when I make one, I stand by it even if it starts to appear incorrect to me after a while. — Danny Bonaduce

There have been man-on-the-street interviews for years, but insulting people is not that funny to me. — Billy Eichner

My baby is weird man ... when he get mad, he gets in the oven. — Kevin Hart

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!' — William Cosmo Monkhouse

Dallas popped his jaw. I do not cackle. I bitch like a he-man. — Gena Showalter

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. — Mark Twain

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? — Margaret Smith

Money is what makes a man act funny. — Eminem

Terribly sad news about Stuart Cable, such a lovely, warm, funny, talented man. — Rob Brydon

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle." — Mitch Hedberg

You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. — H. Jackson Brown Jr.