Morning Humor Quotes: top 79 famous quotes about Morning Humor

Morning Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Morning Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

That wasn't me. I'm not a morning person. There's another person inside of me that does all the morning things. — N.D. Wilson

Get some sleep, Secretary General, get some sleep. Revolution can wait till the morning. — Mohammed Hanif

Good morning!" my partner, Derrel, said in an insanely cheerful voice. "I need my Angel to come out and play. — Diana Rowland

No more sex.
I blink several times at Anna as we stand outside the car the next morning. Have we been married long enough for her to say that? — Wendy Higgins

I have no desire to spend every night of the next few months at balls and soirees or drowning in tea with morning callers. — Sarah M. Eden

I sleep on my face, and then it does not frighten anybody in the morning. — Ernest Hemingway,

I guess the breakfast burritos are going to have some extra protein in the morning. — Jon S. Lewis

Morning, I soon discovered, was one o'clock for Auntie Mame. Early Morning was eleven, and the Middle of the Night was nine. — Patrick Dennis

Let me give you a wonderful Zen practice. Wake up in the morning ... look in the mirror, and laugh at yourself. — Bernie Glassman

Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am? — Bill Watterson

To think I should have lived to be goodmorninged by Belladonna Took's son, as if I was selling buttons at the door! — J.R.R. Tolkien

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. — Groucho Marx

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning ... That can keep me awake for days.. — Billy Connolly

A dirty and mean sense of humor first thing in the morning. I may learn to like you yet. — Lorelei James

That morning she pours Teacher's over my belly and licks it off. That afternoon she tries to jump out the window. — Raymond Carver

One has not lived until one has carried a sixty-pound dog down a sweeping flight of stairs at half-past V in the morning. — Connie Willis

What Promise of a new day does one have to ignore to laugh so early in the morning? — Leot Felton

Don't make me kill you at this hour in the morning Jimmy. It's not civilized. — Kylie Scott

Next morning while imbibing his morning tea beneath his pink silken quilt Bernard decided he must marry Ethel with no more delay. — Daisy Ashford

There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. — Kristen Chandler

And since she drove to work every morning, I could only use the car on weekends. Well, weekends and the middle of the goddamned night. — John Green

My life of crime began at seven twenty-eight this morning."
~ Charmaine Digby — Wendy Delaney

The morning slathers its whatever
across the thing. — Michael Robbins

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. — Rita Rudner

FINALLY she had convinced him that she would still respect him in the morning. — Anne Taintor

Have I told you I love you?" he whispers.
I smile. "Not since this morning."
"Unforgivable. I will tell you every hour of every day. — Jessica Khoury

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. — Steven Wright

If you're gonna do something tonight that you'll regret tomorrow morning, sleep late — Henny Youngman

Who the hell calls at two in the morning?"
"Maybe it's Matt Wilde, confessing his love," Lindsay says.
"Very funny, — Lauren Oliver

Perfect, just what I need this morning, another episode in battle of the wits. — Sonya Bria

Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can't see a damn thing before having coffee. — Aleksandra Ninkovic

Sometimes a girl needed more than Special K with Red Berries in the morning. This qualified as one of those mornings. — Stephanie Julian

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3). — Jeremy Clarkson

Good morning, baby. You know that the government has a responsibility for their own actions. — Zechariah Barrett

You want him praising the Lord in the morning, you put a smile on his face tonight. — Mark Gungor

You pray to God to save you. I'll stick with Smith & Wesson. We'll see who is alive in the morning. — Raegan Butcher

Yeah, but I forgot to take my George Orwell-shaped multivitamins along with my breakfast bowl of Big Brother Os this morning. — Jim Butcher

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. — Henny Youngman

Did you wake up on the stupid side of the bed this morning? — Tammy Blackwell

Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?"
"What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said.
"Tomorrow morning," Mabel said. — Libba Bray

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. — Mark Twain

Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope. — Tina Fey

My mother used to say you should eat like a king in the morning, a queen at noon, and a pauper at night — K.S.R. Burns

I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently. — Kevin Hearne

Fortunately, he'd found that most people were easy to locate at five thirty in the morning. — Patricia Briggs

Waking up the next morning was torture. I dragged myself to the bathroom feeling like I'd been thrown against a brick wall. Repeatedly. By the Hulk. — K.J. McPike

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.
"It's three thirty in the morning."
"Okay. Want coffee? — Darynda Jones

Just be sure you brush your teeth tonight. Morning breath is a fresh sea breeze compared to the hellitosis of blood breath. — Jaye Wells

Later in the morning Saul tried to die. — Ray Bradbury

Everybody knew that he spent an hour each morning hopping about and kicking things like a maddened rabbit — Meredith Duran

Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to find himself turned into an enormous symbol. — Howard Mittelmark

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read President Can't Swim. — Lyndon B. Johnson

How's the world treating you this morning?'
'Like a baby treats a diaper. — Biyi Bandele-Thomas

Also, it was the morning and it seemed a little odd to be thinking about poetry before luncheon. — Barbara Pym

My heart leaps as I remember this morning's note. This boy is my weirdo.
My weirdo is hot. — Cat Patrick

My formula for life is very simple: in the morning, wake up; at night, go to sleep. In between I try and occupy myself as best I can. — Cary Grant

In my world it's impossible to be running late for anything at seven in the morning, — A.R. Wise

My doctors told me this morning my blood pressure is down so low that I can start reading the newspapers. — Ronald Reagan

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning. — Celia Rivenbark

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle. — Erma Bombeck

Remember how it felt yesterday? What you saw me do?" I snorted and grinned. "Man, do I ever. I remembered twice last night and again this morning. — Missy Welsh

All I have to do is wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, Jazz. Everything else is optional. — Barry Lyga

If you've done 6 impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? — Douglas Adams

Good morning, Si! I saw a rat in the bathroom, but he was taking a nice nap and we didn't bother each other. — Cassandra Clare

The only reason there's such a thing as a morning in the first place is to keep night and afternoon from bumping into each other.
-Kheldar — David Eddings

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone. — Tommy Cooper

Why would I want to get depressed by watching TV? I could do that just by stepping on the scale every morning. — Max Brooks

A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don't later fray. — Marcia Carrington

When reality and your dreams collide, typically it's just your alarm clock going off. — Crystal Woods

Good morning, Meroe,' I said, dusting uselessly at my tracksuit pants. 'Might I interest you in today's special, pre-floured kitten? — Kerry Greenwood

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour. — Frank Carson

Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass ... but you just pushed my jackass button. — Bill Engvall

As the proverb said, "Think in the morning, Act in the noon, Eat in the evening, Sleep in the night." Too late for thinking now. Too early for eating. — Orson Scott Card

Dracula is a morning person compared to me. — Kim Dallmeier

There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'! — Fulton J. Sheen

I get up in the morning, torture a typewriter until it screams, then stop. — Clarence Budington Kelland

One morning you wake up with more life behind you than in front of you, not being able to understand how it's happened. — Fredrik Backman

Torture at night, human sacrifice in the morning, healthy exercise at noon. What could possibly be on the schedule for the evening? — Sarah Rees Brennan

I just came this morning and haven't been debriefed yet about the status of our latest prisoners. As a matter of fact, I'd barely stepped inside, — Elle Aycart