M*a*s*h Funny Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about M*a*s*h Funny
M*a*s*h Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational M*a*s*h Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record.
— Richard Roberts
I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job.
— George H. W. Bush
Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything ...
— Clive Barker
I think I got a lot of my 'funny' DNA from my mother, who had a glorious sense of the ridiculous.
— Christopher Buckley
I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.
— Mitch Hedberg
One does not simply ring Roland.Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews
It's funny, because readers think they want the characters to be blissfully happy, but it makes it kind of boring for the reader.
— L.A. Weatherly
A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.
— H.L. Mencken
Finn gave a soft laugh. 'What's so funny?' 'I think you're the first person to actually apologise for inflicting pain. Usually it's someone's hobby.
— Tabitha McGowan
Do try The House by fresh new author, Susannah Mansfield, it's funny, sad and very different, you'll love the characters and the stories.
— Susannah Mansfield
And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
— Murray Walker
When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."
— Franklyn Ajaye
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
— Steven Wright
If I let you go are you going to hit me again?""What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry
I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.
— Adam Sandler
Go fuck a cactus, classless cunt.
— H.M. Ward
The only real significance she had attached to the memory was that it was funny what stuck with you.
— David Foster Wallace
Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds.
— Dave Barry
My dear Natalya Petrovna, there's funny and funny.
— Ivan Turgenev
It's funny what happens when you become a grandparent. You start to act all goofy and do things you never thought you'd do. It's terrific.
— Mike Krzyzewski
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
— Jeff Foxworthy
Oh, sod off, I'm calling the Police." Another series of banging on the door. "Open up, Police." That was quick.
— Simon Dunn
I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
It was funny, in a twisted sort of way, that night I gained my future was the same night I lost my past.
— Kelley R. Martin
I never say a funny thing intentionally.
— Jayne Meadows
A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."
— Frank Carson
And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing.
— Jackie Kessler
You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.
— H. Jackson Brown Jr.
I hope they make a show like M*A*S*H, which dealt with a lot of difficult subject matter but was very funny.
— Joan Severance
Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.-Dex to Sloane — Charlie Cochet
Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky - then toss your phone into the bushes.
— Waylon H. Lewis
Sometimes I wish my brain didn't always have to warn me about things. Stupid people seem to live such easy, carefree lives.
— L. H. Cosway
To cut a long story short, I'm a writer.
— Carla H. Krueger
I'm pretty sure my stomach has a sliver in it from rubbing up against my backbone, so back off, bitch.
— H.J. Bellus
Jesus H. Christ on ice and Mary in the penalty box!
— Rob Sheffield
Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.
— Caitlin Hale
Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.
— Betty White
Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.
— Elizabeth Eulberg
Please stop waiting for a map. We reward those who draw maps, not those who follow them.
— Seth Godin
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
— Demetri Martin
Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?
— Henny Youngman
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
— Mitch Hedberg
You're impossible," she told him. "Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings
If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"
— Mitch Hedberg
Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.
— Nicole McKay
In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music.
— Orson Scott Card
She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then.
— Tammara Webber
Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs!
— Mehmet Murat Ildan
I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.
— Michael Summers
He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery.
— Holly Black
Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth.
— Rebecca Brooks
Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'
— David Letterman
How much detention did you get?Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins
You catch more flies with honey, ever heard of that?" He shrugged. "I don't like flies. They're annoying." He grinned "I'd rather catch hell.
— Heather Hildenbrand
Great. So he's a genius. Fifty points for Ivanclaw.
— Margaret Stohl
You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous.
— Neil Gaiman
That's the only dog I know who can smell someone just thinking about food.
— Charles M. Schulz
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?
— Ellen DeGeneres
It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless.
— Caprice Bourret
As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless.
— Lord Chesterfield
The body's a funny thing. It's so full of surprises that it makes conventional wisdom seem silly.
— Pat Conroy
It's funny. I did give birth to an alien on 'The X-Files.' And it's just the teaser, so I'm dead before we even get into the episode.
— Megan Follows
I feel cheesy when I see 'Silver Spoons.' Some of it was funny, but some of it was just cheese! My kids love it, but I look at it and cringe.
— Ricky Schroder
Ferrari leads, McLaren second, McLaren second, Jordan third, and Benneton fifth and sixth.
— Murray Walker
Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs. Retta to Viktor
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,
— Steven Pinker
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.
— Don Rickles
It's funny; Luther and I have written many songs together, but we've never written songs in the same room.
— Richard Marx
Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.
— Richard Brinsley Sheridan
There's no such thing as too much power!
— Wolfgang Gullich