Lit Humor Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Lit Humor

Lit Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Lit Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Solberg; nature's greatest argument against cloning. — Lois Greiman

Vibrizzio? You named it! Okay, this isn't even close to healthy. — Nicki Elson

A person without regrets is called a corpse. — Lois Greiman

You don't know many friends you have till you buy a big-ass house on the beach. — Lois Greiman

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit — Ann Everett

Sometimes you have to pretend to be feeling better to actually feel better. It's why new workout clothes make you feel like you want to work out. — Alice Clayton

Tequila--a sure cure for monogamy. — Lois Greiman

This was Hist and Lit, after all. If you couldn't work the term "liminal" into your tutorial, you were doing it wrong. — Lauren Willig

Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10. — Lois Greiman

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet — Lois Greiman

I don't trust nobody that don't have my name tattooed on her ass, and then it's iffy. — Lois Greiman

Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air. — Lois Greiman

Nevertheless, he had, on a certain star-lit evening, said wonderingly and quite reverently: Deh moon looks like hell, don't it? — Stephen Crane

Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his. — Lois Greiman

She may be an old flame, but she still smokin'. — Lois Greiman

The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts. — Lois Greiman

Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too. — Lois Greiman

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either. — Lois Greiman

Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes. — Lois Greiman

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister. — Lois Greiman

He's just a flash in the pants. — Lois Greiman

Lit more than enlightened. — Tanuja Desai Hidier

Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass. — Lois Greiman

Expect stupid. It's everywhere. — Lois Greiman

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts. — Lois Greiman

Tomorrow I'd probably wake up to find my shoes talking to me. And let me tell you, the price I pay for shoes, they'd have one heck of an attitude. — Melissa L. Webb

If you don't like your teeth; keep your mouth shut. — Lois Greiman

Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore. — Lois Greiman

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on. — Lois Greiman

There are lots of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, some are angels, and some are bottom feeders. — Lois Greiman

Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS. — Jen Lancaster

When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all. — Lois Greiman

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance. — Lois Greiman

If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong. — Lois Greiman

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end. — Lois Greiman

I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms. — Lois Greiman

In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice. — Lois Greiman

Oh shit.... I think I just lit his fuse. — Darby Briar

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber. — Lois Greiman

Honey, that man would do anything to keep you. Lie, steal, cheat, kill, clean up after himself, and do laundry. — Alisa Sheckley

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink. — Lois Greiman

Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway? — Lois Greiman

Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid. — Lois Greiman

If I were being honest with myself, he lit a blaze, not just a blush, but that's too much reality for me to admit. — S.L. Scott

Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which. — Lois Greiman

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards. — Lois Greiman

I don't care what Cosmo says about exercise improving sex. Some things aren't worth the cost. — Lois Greiman

Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either. — Lois Greiman

Suffering is my teacher. If I pay attention to it instead of trying to numb it out, maybe it can lead me to its root. — Michelle Colston

Stop looking for your better half! You need to be whole to attract your better whole, if you expect to have a flourishing relationship. — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

Waking up the next morning was torture. I dragged myself to the bathroom feeling like I'd been thrown against a brick wall. Repeatedly. By the Hulk. — K.J. McPike

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy. — Lois Greiman

The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments. — Lois Greiman

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine. — Lois Greiman

Friends disregard your failures and endure your successes. — Lois Greiman

The Female Orgasm. The Big O. That elusive, reclusive Loch Ness of the labia. Does it prove the existence of God, or just His twisted sense of humor? — Kirstie Collins Brote

Sometimes stupid is crime enough. — Lois Greiman

Everyone has a secret. — Kristine Cuevas

Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's. — Lois Greiman

When blondes have more fun, do they know it? — Lois Greiman

Love is like skydiving without a parachute. — Lois Greiman

You know what love means? It means loving the person you are now and not the person you want someone to be or the person they will be. — Samantha Stroh Bailey

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously. — Lois Greiman

A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul. — Lois Greiman

Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores. — Lois Greiman

I swear, when that woman dies, she'll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit — Ann Everett

If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago. — Lois Greiman

That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ... — Lemony Snicket

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood. — Lois Greiman

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head. — Lois Greiman

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair. — Lois Greiman

There is no feature as attractive as a well exercised intellect. — Lois Greiman

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision. — Lois Greiman

It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with. — Lois Greiman

My eyelashes tickled the peephole. from Fogged Up Fairy Tale (Summer 2014) — Denise Baer

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack. — Lois Greiman

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen — Lois Greiman

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind. — Lois Greiman

I'm just an everyday kind of hero. If the everyday kind saves babies from burning buildings and looks hotter than hell in bunker gear. — Lois Greiman

If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed. — Lois Greiman

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good. — Lois Greiman

Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls. — Lois Greiman

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier. — Lois Greiman

If you only attract Mr. Wrong or Ms. Crazy, evaluate the common thread in this diversity of people: YOU! — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge. — Lois Greiman

People who don't get excited about receiving gifts are tired of life. — Anna Maxted

And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever. — Lois Greiman

Mark Twain said, "Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." Dorsey Bing said, "I'll take womankind's greatest blessing: more wine. — CeCe Osgood

Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops. — Lois Greiman

Don't get mad about the infestation of fleas if you keep shopping at the dog pound. — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended. — Lois Greiman

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train. — Lois Greiman

There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate. — Lois Greiman

She says with that misty
far-away look in her eyes. Like conjunctivitis. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

You don't need to be smarter; you just need dumber friends. — Lois Greiman

Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well. — Lois Greiman

You really don't know a person until you spend some time in their panties. — Lois Greiman

Everything that ever gets done in this world is done by madmen, — Aldous Huxley

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does? — Lois Greiman

False hope is better than no hope at all. — Lois Greiman