Just In Case Funny Quotes

I go to St. Matthews in Pacific Palisades, an Episcopal Church. — Stephen Collins

WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY:
In your case, ED is not a man's name. — Robin Glasser

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case. — Woody Allen

I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case. — P. Anastasia

Nona had been bonkers since I could remember. Dad said it was menopause, but I had looked that up once, and I highly doubted that was the case. — Holly Hood

Though confidence is very fine, and makes the future sunny; I want no confidence for mine, I'd rather have the money — Francois De La Rochefoucauld

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up. — Carroll Bryant

I never practice my guitar. From time to time I just open the case & throw in a piece of raw meat. — Wes Montgomery

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. — Lemony Snicket

Those skilled in attack move as from above the nine-fold heavens. Thus they are capable both of protecting themselves and of gaining complete victory. — Sun Tzu

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it. — Tallulah Bankhead

I didn't want to fall for anybody. It's so messy. I'm so happy it was you. I'm so happy to love you, Gulliver. — Nora Roberts

Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt?" Livvy asked.
"In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as it were entirely normal. — Cassandra Clare

I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else. — Mitch Hedberg

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965. — Jerry Seinfeld

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in. — Dannika Dark

It sometimes takes days, even weeks, before a dog's nerves tire. In the case of terriers it can run into months. — E.B. White

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife. — Groucho Marx

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to. — Rodney Dangerfield

You belong in an insane asylum, you know that?"
"Maybe my next case... — R.R. Virdi

I had heard of offices feeling like prisons, but in this case our prison felt, rather anticlimactically, like an office. — William Ritter

I look at you and everything just makes sense. And I can't see another day in my future without you in it. — Samantha Towle

I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all. — Mitch Hedberg

Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case. — Carla H. Krueger

Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury. — Saleem Sharma

People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and that's not the case. — Christopher Guest

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks. — Rodney Dangerfield

Yep those are goosebumps. Or a bad case of arm acne. Or as I call it, armcne. — Daniel Waters

Without education, there will be no knowledge. Without knowledge, how can there be success? — Debasish Mridha