Joseph Heller Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Joseph Heller

Joseph Heller Quotes & Sayings

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I write longhand and I type and I rewrite on the typed pages. — Joseph Heller

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. — Joseph Heller

I don't understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy. — Joseph Heller

He was working hard at increasing his life span. He did it by cultivating boredom. — Joseph Heller

Man was matter. Drop him out of a window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. — Joseph Heller

Yossarian left money in the old woman's lap - it was odd how many wrongs leaving money seemed to right - and — Joseph Heller

It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead. — Joseph Heller

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long. — Joseph Heller

I wonder what kind of person would come out if I ever did erase all my inhibitions at once, what kind of being is bottled up inside me now. — Joseph Heller

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. — Joseph Heller

Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him. — Joseph Heller

You will hurt your foot. — Joseph Heller

But Yossarian knew he was right, because, as he explained to Clevinger, to the best of his knowledge he had never been wrong. — Joseph Heller

My fish dream is a sex dream. — Joseph Heller

From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes. — Joseph Heller

[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for. — Joseph Heller

They're not going to send a crazy man out to be killed, are they?"
"Who else will go? — Joseph Heller

You're inches away from death every time you go on a mission. How much older can you be at your age? — Joseph Heller

Even when he cheated he couldn't win, because the people he cheated against were always better at cheating too. — Joseph Heller

As soon as there was profit, there were people who wanted to make it, more than they wanted to make anything else. — Joseph Heller

A situation in which a desired outcome or solution is impossible to attain because of a set of inherently illogical rules or conditions. — Joseph Heller

He woke up blinking with a slight pain in his head and opened his eyes upon a world boiling in chaos in which everything was in proper order. — Joseph Heller

Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives. — Joseph Heller

A man's head is his castle. — Joseph Heller

Be thankful you're healthy." "Be bitter you're not going to stay that way." "Be glad you're even alive." "Be furious you're going to die. — Joseph Heller

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them. — Joseph Heller

But I'm afraid you have it backward. It is better to live on one's feet than die on one's knees. That is the way the saying goes. — Joseph Heller

I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings. — Joseph Heller

Just pass the work I assign along to somebody else and trust to luck. We call that delegation of responsibility. — Joseph Heller

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck. — Joseph Heller

The syndicate makes the profit. And everybody has a share. — Joseph Heller

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he is on. — Joseph Heller

If God was dead, how could I feel this bad? — Joseph Heller

There was one catch, and that was Catch-22. — Joseph Heller

Major Major never sees anyone in his office while he's in his office. — Joseph Heller

It was love at first sight. — Joseph Heller

There is wisdom in madness, and strong probability of truth in all accusations, for people are complete, and everybody is capable of everything. — Joseph Heller

Since he had nothing better to do well in, he did well in school. — Joseph Heller

Insanity is contagious. — Joseph Heller

I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy. — Joseph Heller

I have some decades to spare. Do you know how long a year takes when it's going away? — Joseph Heller

Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family. — Joseph Heller

Because he needed a friend so desperately, he never found one. — Joseph Heller

Remember that everyone deserves some fun during working hours. — Joseph Heller

Yossarian attended the education sessions because he wanted to find out why so many people were working so hard to kill him. — Joseph Heller

Shooting skeet eight hours a month was excellent training for them. It trained them to shoot skeet. — Joseph Heller

The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them. — Joseph Heller

She destroyed egos by the score and made men hate themselves in the morning by the way she found them, used them, and tossed them aside. — Joseph Heller

Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out — Joseph Heller

Yossarian!!!(?)! — Joseph Heller

For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive. — Joseph Heller

Neighbors sought him out for advice on all subjects, for he had made much money and was therefore wise. — Joseph Heller

I get the willies when I see closed doors. — Joseph Heller

He could not make them understand that ... having a good time bored him and was not worth the effort. — Joseph Heller

I see everything twice! — Joseph Heller

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. — Joseph Heller

He was one of those people with lots of intelligence but no brains — Joseph Heller

Moses has the Ten Commandments, it's true, but I've got much better lines - King David — Joseph Heller

Depreciating motels, junked automobiles, and quick-food joints grow like amber waves of grain. — Joseph Heller

It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him. — Joseph Heller

Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat. — Joseph Heller

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it. — Joseph Heller

They were the most depressing group of people Yossarian had ever been with. They were always in high spirits. — Joseph Heller

I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy — Joseph Heller

The question is: what is a sane man to do in an insane society? — Joseph Heller

Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising. — Joseph Heller

Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.) — Joseph Heller

Men went mad and were rewarded with medals. — Joseph Heller

You pompous, rotund, neighborly, vacuous, complacent ... - Yossarian — Joseph Heller

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. — Joseph Heller

It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude. — Joseph Heller

First impressions die slowly, bad impressions take even longer — Joseph Heller

Everybody is as unstable as water. — Joseph Heller

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals. — Joseph Heller

He began to wonder with genuine concern just what sort of shithead the Pentagon had foisted on him. — Joseph Heller

You have a morbid aversion to dying. — Joseph Heller

I have a weakness for fresh eggs. — Joseph Heller

Every writer I know has trouble writing. — Joseph Heller

If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate? — Joseph Heller

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying. — Joseph Heller

The knife came down, missing him by inches, and he took off. — Joseph Heller

You've got flies in your eyes. That's why you can't see them. — Joseph Heller

I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman. — Joseph Heller

I had the strongest trade association in the world backing me up. — Joseph Heller

We have no ideas, and they're pretty firm. — Joseph Heller

Keep in mind that when we talk of a great painting we are not really talking about anything great. We are talking of only a painting. — Joseph Heller

The Texan wanted everybody in the ward to be happy but Yossarian and Dunbar. He was really very sick. — Joseph Heller

All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive. — Joseph Heller

Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to
ask questions were those who never did. — Joseph Heller

They think that they're smart and that the rest of us are dumb. — Joseph Heller

Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. — Joseph Heller

Rise above principle and do what's right. — Joseph Heller

In a world in which success was the only virtue, he had resigned himself to failure. — Joseph Heller

Rise above principal and do what's right. — Joseph Heller

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one? — Joseph Heller

And he sprang out of bed at the crack of noon every day just to make certain that the chores would not be done. He — Joseph Heller

I don't think the 'what' distinguishes a good novel from a bad one but rather the 'how.' — Joseph Heller

He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret — Joseph Heller

You know, that's my trouble," he groaned. "I never listen to anybody. Somebody kept telling me to put my headlights on, but I just wouldn't listen. — Joseph Heller

To pray for their safety was to pray for the death of other young men he did not even know. — Joseph Heller