Jokes Are Quotes

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive. — Stella Benson

That's how myths are born. Out of our carelessness, out of our tattered nerves, out of jokes that go wrong and flashy gestures. — Sergei Lukyanenko

Jokes are generally honest. Complete solemnity is always dishonest. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else ... — Demetri Martin

The best jokes are often only understood by one other person. — Barry Humphries

We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some jokes are less agreeable than others — Harriet Beecher Stowe

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humour is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude. — Frank Muir

Dwarves are still the butt of jokes. It's one of the last bastions of acceptable prejudice. — Peter Dinklage

To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that are politically correct. — John Waters

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing. — Zach Galifianakis

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful. — Kurt Vonnegut

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. — Zach Galifianakis

It's pretty easy to hear what people are physically responding to versus what's just flat as a pancake in the room when it comes to jokes. — Elizabeth Banks

My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny. — Stanley Victor Paskavich

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes. — Mark Twain

Like great art, something essential dies when great jokes are explained. So what's the key to telling a good joke/creating great art timing. — Travis Nichols

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. — Lemony Snicket

Please", I scoff. "Dot-com jokes are so two visions ago. Stay on your toes, Angotti, or you're off the team. — Lisa McMann

That's what my books are, now that I'm a grownup - mosaics of jokes. — Kurt Vonnegut

When you're an older woman [in a movie], you are the brunt of the joke. — Jane Fonda

Existentialists are monumentally and monotonously serious; they don't like to joke. — Wislawa Szymborska

Of course my jokes are in poor taste, inappropriate, and confused; they reveal my lack of security. But that is because I have no respect for myself. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Jokes are grievances. — Marshall McLuhan

As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making jokes about absolutely everything. — Joan Rivers

Some jokes are stupid and useless, if you can't get it. It's to stupid to go in it, but whatever!
- Make your choice! — Deyth Banger

I don't do jokes. The characters are my jokes. — Jonathan Winters

I always have humour in my action movies. I think characters that make jokes under fire are more real. It somehow helps put you in their shoes. — Shane Black

I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny. — Philippe Falardeau

The best jokes are uncalled-for. — Julien Torma

Not everyone gets jokes. But to many jokes in one time are never good idea! — Deyth Banger

Everyone should be able to give a wink trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in elevating waves of shore !! — Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them. — Jimmy Fallon

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive. — Demetri Martin

In Bengal, Hindus are known to crack jokes at the expense of their gods and goddesses and that's what I did. — Sunil Gangopadhyay

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. — John Oliver

She doesn't really have a sense of humor. I think she'd like to have one - it's just that she doesn't quite understand what jokes are for. — Sophie Kinsella

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be. — Demetri Martin

When People in sales are at work, they are at war. — Honeya

Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst — Anonymous

Women are often pushed into the idea that they write softer, more character-driven jokes. — Allison Silverman

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there. — Donald Glover

I think I love jokes! The best jokes are equal to the best art, in my mind, and as rare. — Travis Nichols

Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food. — Felipe Esparza

Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.' — Ron Funches

My favourite things are jokes, friendliness and feeling comfortable. — Billy Childish

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail. — Mora Early

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected. — Bob Hope

You young men have too many jokes. When there are no jokes you've nothing left. — Henry James

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. — Emo Philips

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid. — Drew Carey

People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off. — Sanaa Lathan

Jokes are unanswerable objections. — Mason Cooley

We are not engaged in a complicated joke disguised as a religion. We are engaged in a religion disguised as a complicated joke. — Malaclypse The Younger

Some subjects are so serious that one can only joke about them. — Niels Bohr

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags. — Fakeer Ishavardas

You are a fucking delight, princess. It's like you know the dirty jokes in my head I'm too scared to make in front of you. — Melanie Harlow

A bully is one who forces you to laugh at his jokes, even if they are not jokes. That is how you know he is a bully. A — Joyce Carol Oates

They are "sexcellent". That is a pun for you, you will find lots of puns on the internet! Also: blonde jokes. — Ryan North

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places. — Seth MacFarlane

God's jokes are the soul's curriculum. — John Perry Barlow

Jokes are hilarious only when you take them unreal and dreamlike, otherwise it becomes painful. So I always live otherworldly ... — Saket Assertive

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right. — Steven Wright

I hate those movies where hundreds of people get blown up and there are jokes afterward. They poison the soul. — Rob Reiner

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically. — Adam Brody

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish. — Frank Carson

People are writing shorter jokes. The style I've started with was almost trying to keep jokes under 140 characters before Twitter. — Nick Thune

But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore. — Jonathan Dunne

Jokes are the declarations of fools. — Samantha Shannon

Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else. Genuinely I do. — John Lloyd

Jokes that are gratuitously offensive are synonymous with bad writing to me. I'm offended as a writer first and as a person second. — Rachel Bloom

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there." — Joan Rivers

Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes. — David Mitchell

Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up. — Stephen Colbert

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. — Lewis Black

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all. — Muhammad Ali

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard. — Kathy Griffin

The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that. — Simon Pegg

I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power. — Alice Walker

Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you're (linguistically) dead. — David Crystal

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really. — Andrew Dice Clay

Jokes are so personal, and they bring us together in so many ways. — Mike Birbiglia

jokes are used to hide the truth! — Eric Jerome Dickey

If mankind is naturally good, he is sure going against his nature more and more of the time. It sounds like a bad joke: the paranoids are after us. — Herbert Gold

The public is gullible ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth. — Bill Maher

I'm an environmentalist. Most of my jokes are recycled. — David Letterman

Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor. — Stephen Colbert

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true. — Jimmy Carr

Profane, vulgar, or crude language and inappropriate or off-color jokes are offensive to the Lord. Never misuse the name of God or Jesus Christ. — Thomas S. Monson

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. — Noel Fielding

That's how inside jokes usually are. Funny to those inside, annoying as shit to the rest of the world. — Siobhan Vivian

I like situational comedy when people are being completely serious and yet you can find something extremely funny, not jokes. — Bruce Robinson

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. — Mark Russell

In Hollywood, it's hard to be funny, because all the big jokes are in Washington. — Rich Little

Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it. — Jon Stewart

There are no lame jokes. There are lame jokers. — Abdullah Abu Snaineh

By reusing jokes, you train yourself to alter them in ways that are unique to you, developing your own natural sense of humor. — Charlie Houpert

Death isn't funny."
"Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us - us humans - death is so sad that we must laugh at it. — Robert A. Heinlein

I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind. — Eric Andre