Jokes And Quotes
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A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.
— Ludwig Wittgenstein
I learned to think about religion, race and sex through the complex and often unattractive medium of jokes.
— Andrew Hudgins
I have always loved really dense, complicated stories with lots of layers, tons of obscure literary references, and a plethora of inside jokes.
— Alethea Kontis
I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd.
— Jennifer Saunders
They're in trouble, Kaz had thought. Or you were dead wrong about Matthias, and you're about to pay for all of those talking tree jokes.
— Leigh Bardugo
I start with the joke line and write backward.
— Nipsey Russell
There is laughter, shrill calls. Everyone is flirting, saying in nudges and jokes and blushing what they would do in private.
— Jesmyn Ward
Why has my motley diary no jokes? Because it is a soliloquy and every man is grave alone.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
That sun is lookin' good ... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome.
— Tom Bergeron
Existentialists are monumentally and monotonously serious; they don't like to joke.
— Wislawa Szymborska
I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.
— Michael Summers
I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.
— Paula Poundstone
You start out wanting to change the world through language, and end up thinking it's enough to tell a few good jokes.
— David Nicholls
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.
— Will Rogers
Some jokes are stupid and useless, if you can't get it. It's to stupid to go in it, but whatever!- Make your choice! — Deyth Banger
I hate those movies where hundreds of people get blown up and there are jokes afterward. They poison the soul.
— Rob Reiner
And what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke.
— Syd Barrett
On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly have.
— Michael Leunig
Whites and Indians laughed at most of the same jokes, but they laughed for different reasons.
— Sherman Alexie
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
— Jimmy Carr
You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.
— Abe Burrows
I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.
— Kathy Griffin
I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.
— David Cross
I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy.
— Helena Christensen
I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50
— David Lee Roth
I'm here to make people laugh and help them forget their troubles, too! So I just try to bring heart and bring jokes!
— Matthew Moy
I don't laugh so much at jokes and premises as I do at a guy who goes onstage and starts twitching and acting funny.
— Harland Williams
What gets me, Varinka, is not really the lack of money but all those little troubles life is full of, all whispering, all those jeers and jokes.
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.
— Dick Gregory
I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.
— Margaret Cho
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
— Steven Wright
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore.
— Jonathan Dunne
If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.
— W. Kamau Bell
When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!
— Dick Bruna
Somewhere between the smiles, the laughing, the fights about nothing, and all our jokes, I fell in love.
— Dawn Williams
I did a show called 'What A Country,' with Yakov Smirnoff and Don Knotts. I used to write jokes for Yakov's stand-up act.
— Mike Scully
When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places.
— Seth MacFarlane
I'm a plethora of stolen jokes and kitschy references.
— Nathan Fillion
Jokes are hilarious only when you take them unreal and dreamlike, otherwise it becomes painful. So I always live otherworldly ...
— Saket Assertive
I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
— Kathy Griffin
Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes.
— David Mitchell
I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes.
— Michael Schur
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
— Stephen Colbert
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.
— Lewis Black
If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.
— Marian Wright Edelman
I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.
— Jack Benny
All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over again.
— Kurt Vonnegut
She laughed at bad jokes, stayed out too late, and overslept too often. Charity Hill loved holidays and she hated budgets and the alarm clock.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard
It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.
— Iliza Shlesinger
Q: What do Jesus and Nicole Brown Simpson have in common? A: They were both killed by the Joooooooose.
— Helen Thomas
Come. We must go deeper with no justice and no jokes.
— Michael Ondaatje
The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that.
— Simon Pegg
I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
— Tahar Ben Jelloun
Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
— Demetri Martin
I conjured for him electric skies and iridescent seas and evenings full of laughter and silly jokes.
— Jojo Moyes
I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage.
— Kathleen Madigan
Peace does not walk up to our doorsteps and press the calling bell! We have to go out there and search for it.
— Avijeet Das
Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
— John Lasseter
could hear Rico's ass laughing in the background like I was some nigga on Comedy Central telling jokes and shit
— Lucinda John
My English is closer to the literary English, and I'm not very familiar with jokes in English or with, you know, with small talk in English.
— J.M.G. Le Clezio
Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
— Garrison Keillor
Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. He's just the first one to go to law school and get a license for it.
— Kelley Armstrong
People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.
— Steve Harvey
I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.
— Maria Bamford
I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can still manage to focus when it counts.
— Romain Grosjean
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Everyone can write jokes and makes things clever.
— David Walton
I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.
— James C. Humes
All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes.
— Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Jokes that are gratuitously offensive are synonymous with bad writing to me. I'm offended as a writer first and as a person second.
— Rachel Bloom
Be nice to everyone and tell jokes.
— Gary Busey