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It's not appropriate to joke about the Ku Klux Klan.
— Mitt Romney
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else ...
— Demetri Martin
People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races.
— Clint Eastwood
I learned to think about religion, race and sex through the complex and often unattractive medium of jokes.
— Andrew Hudgins
Jokes about butts WORKED.
— Drew Magary
I'm not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this generation will see.
— Samantha Ronson
I've liked being Jewish in America - there's a secular version of Jewishness there that's more about bagels and jokes than going to synagogues.
— Beeban Kidron
They're in trouble, Kaz had thought. Or you were dead wrong about Matthias, and you're about to pay for all of those talking tree jokes.
— Leigh Bardugo
I made jokes about kissing Murphy Brown. But if that's what cost me my job, my wife will probably say, "Hey asshole, I told you so."
— Bebe Neuwirth
I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
— Rita Rudner
I don't really want to tell jokes about trivia; I'd kind of rather tell jokes about things like life and death.
— David Shrigley
Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.
— Lois McMaster Bujold
Okay, no more jokes about ladybugs making you their bitch.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive ... The refrigerator.
— Rodney Dangerfield
too, making jokes about how old everything was at Yale, how the bathrooms
— Catherine Coulter
If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.
— Scott Adams
Oh my god," I said, but I couldn't help but laugh. "You can't make jokes about eating dead people if you actually eat dead people.
— Kali Wallace
I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, 'Good, don't come.' All the jokes about it feel out of date.
— Mary McCormack
I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.
— Michael Summers
I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.
— Ardal O'Hanlon
Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.
— Marc Maron
How many times in her thirty years had she heard the same remarks, the same feeble jokes about her name?
— Haruki Murakami
I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
— Lewis Black
I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically.
— Sarah Silverman
I think you make better jokes when you don't break logic for the joke, unless you make a movie just about jokes.
— Michael Lehmann
All of my jokes were about not being able to meet anybody. I didn't have any insight into anything - even my own insecurities.
— Judd Apatow
It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.
— Jen Kirkman
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.
— Paul Merton
People appreciate it when you take some time to think about who will be listening to your jokes.
— Seth Meyers
It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.
— Iliza Shlesinger
For all the jokes and complaints about the aches of air travel, it's pretty marvelous, if you think about it.
— Tsh Oxenreider
John Gielgud told us this story about Mae West. She was asked, 'Do you ever smoke after you've had sex?' She answered, 'I never looked.
— Christopher Isherwood
Sometimes, comedy and entertainment is not all about telling jokes; sometimes you just have to be you for a few moments.
— Ray William Johnson
I'll be 50 years old tomorrow and that means, among other things, that now Bob Dole can start telling jokes about me.
— David Letterman
Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst
— Anonymous
Everybody jokes about that old story about the world only needing five computers, but when you think about it, that's where we're heading.
— Matt Mullenweg
I don't like to joke about dating.
— Jen Kirkman
I may make jokes about Microsoft at times, but at the same time, I think the Microsoft hatred is a disease.
— Linus Torvalds
It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.
— Mo Rocca
WHEN YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THAT'S WHEN THE DARKNESS TAKES OVER.
— Amanda Palmer
I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it.
— Pedro Almodovar
What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.
— Steven Wright
The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that.
— Simon Pegg
I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.
— Johnny Carson
Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.
— Martin Short
I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.
— Margaret Cho
jokes about arks. The
— Stephen King
Death isn't funny." "Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us - us humans - death is so sad that we must laugh at it. — Robert A. Heinlein
I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that.
— Bruce Bruce
Somewhere between the smiles, the laughing, the fights about nothing, and all our jokes, I fell in love.
— Dawn Williams
When I visited Chechnya, I was taken aback at first because people would regularly make jokes about kidnapping me.
— Anthony Marra
Water jokes about the obstacles on its way; wise man jokes about the obstacles on his way!
— Mehmet Murat Ildan
If I do not do sensible things about investments I shall spend my old age in a workhouse, where nobody will understand my jokes.
— Rebecca West
Never, never tell jokes about a man with easy access to weapons of mass destruction.
— Peter Chernin
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
— Frank Carson
You know, Ham," Breeze noted. "The only funny thing about your jokes is how often they lack any humor whatsoever.
— Brandon Sanderson
All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.
— Tui T. Sutherland
I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
Don't make jokes about food.
— David Lean
I make some jokes about it, but they're not funny and just add to the depression.
— Robert M. Pirsig
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.
— Jon Stewart
People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard.
— Michelle Pfeiffer
Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
— Demetri Martin
Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.
— Craig Ferguson
There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told.
— William Shatner
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.
— Lewis Black
I keep to a minimum dialect, in-jokes about football (soccer) teams and soap opera characters, so as not to lose North American readers.
— Peter Robinson
I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
— Steven Wright
I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that.
— David Letterman
I was always Armie. There couldn't be a 90-year-old Armand and a 9-day-old one. And I heard enough jokes about baking soda.
— Armie Hammer
I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes.
— Michael Schur
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
— Mark Russell
What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water! — Douglas Adams