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It's not appropriate to joke about the Ku Klux Klan. — Mitt Romney

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else ... — Demetri Martin

People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races. — Clint Eastwood

I learned to think about religion, race and sex through the complex and often unattractive medium of jokes. — Andrew Hudgins

Jokes about butts WORKED. — Drew Magary

I'm not sure how anyone with a soul can make jokes about the passing of one of the most talented artists this generation will see. — Samantha Ronson

I've liked being Jewish in America - there's a secular version of Jewishness there that's more about bagels and jokes than going to synagogues. — Beeban Kidron

They're in trouble, Kaz had thought. Or you were dead wrong about Matthias, and you're about to pay for all of those talking tree jokes. — Leigh Bardugo

I'm an actor. I've always been an actor. I've always approached all my comedy as an actor. I don't really care about jokes either. I tire of jokes. — Brett Gelman

I made jokes about kissing Murphy Brown. But if that's what cost me my job, my wife will probably say, "Hey asshole, I told you so." — Bebe Neuwirth

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about. — Rita Rudner

I don't really want to tell jokes about trivia; I'd kind of rather tell jokes about things like life and death. — David Shrigley

Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods. — Lois McMaster Bujold

Okay, no more jokes about ladybugs making you their bitch. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. — Paula Deen

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive ... The refrigerator. — Rodney Dangerfield

too, making jokes about how old everything was at Yale, how the bathrooms — Catherine Coulter

Jokes about Crazy Cat Ladies seem harmless enough, but at their core is a disturbing echo of the hysterical witch superstitions of the Middle Age. — Tom Cox

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried. — Scott Adams

I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't. — Jo Brand

Oh my god," I said, but I couldn't help but laugh. "You can't make jokes about eating dead people if you actually eat dead people. — Kali Wallace

I love Los Angeles. I love when people make fun of it. I think, 'Good, don't come.' All the jokes about it feel out of date. — Mary McCormack

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. — Michael Summers

One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them. — P. J. O'Rourke

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest. — Ardal O'Hanlon

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on. — Marc Maron

As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making jokes about absolutely everything. — Joan Rivers

I'd prefer silence and random jokes about the passing billboards and scenery, but I know how he likes music. I just hope he doesn't start singing. — C.B. Cook

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny. — Alan King

How many times in her thirty years had she heard the same remarks, the same feeble jokes about her name? — Haruki Murakami

I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person. — Lewis Black

I don't see anyone avoiding the Stones because DJs make jokes about them being a part of the Geritol set. All it does is make the DJs look stupid. — Joe Perry

I don't really care for, like, fat jokes about women, specifically. — Sarah Silverman

I think you make better jokes when you don't break logic for the joke, unless you make a movie just about jokes. — Michael Lehmann

All of my jokes were about not being able to meet anybody. I didn't have any insight into anything - even my own insecurities. — Judd Apatow

It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids. — Jen Kirkman

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. — Paul Merton

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.' — Bill Engvall

People appreciate it when you take some time to think about who will be listening to your jokes. — Seth Meyers

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic. — Iliza Shlesinger

For all the jokes and complaints about the aches of air travel, it's pretty marvelous, if you think about it. — Tsh Oxenreider

John Gielgud told us this story about Mae West. She was asked, 'Do you ever smoke after you've had sex?' She answered, 'I never looked. — Christopher Isherwood

Sometimes, comedy and entertainment is not all about telling jokes; sometimes you just have to be you for a few moments. — Ray William Johnson

I'll be 50 years old tomorrow and that means, among other things, that now Bob Dole can start telling jokes about me. — David Letterman

Being anti-war in Hollywood was an act of bravery on the order of the keynote speaker at a PLO dinner making jokes about Ariel Sharon. — Ann Coulter

Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst — Anonymous

Everybody jokes about that old story about the world only needing five computers, but when you think about it, that's where we're heading. — Matt Mullenweg

I don't like to joke about dating. — Jen Kirkman

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving. — Emo Philips

I may make jokes about Microsoft at times, but at the same time, I think the Microsoft hatred is a disease. — Linus Torvalds

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict. — Mo Rocca

WHEN YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THAT'S WHEN THE DARKNESS TAKES OVER. — Amanda Palmer

I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it. — Pedro Almodovar

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. — Joan Rivers

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. — Steven Wright

People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off. — Sanaa Lathan

The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that. — Simon Pegg

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them. — Johnny Carson

Some subjects are so serious that one can only joke about them. — Niels Bohr

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes. — Martin Short

I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it, so no jokes about that yet. — Adam DeVine

I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh. — Margaret Cho

jokes about arks. The — Stephen King

Death isn't funny."
"Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us - us humans - death is so sad that we must laugh at it. — Robert A. Heinlein

I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that. — Bruce Bruce

British?" I tried to explain. "We make jokes about uncomfortable topics to feel less awkward about them?" How Hard Can Love Be? chapter 22 — Holly Bourne

I used to tell jokes about Internet-enabled lightbulbs. I can't tell jokes about it anymore - there already is an Internet-connected lightbulb. — Vint Cerf

Somewhere between the smiles, the laughing, the fights about nothing, and all our jokes, I fell in love. — Dawn Williams

When I visited Chechnya, I was taken aback at first because people would regularly make jokes about kidnapping me. — Anthony Marra

Water jokes about the obstacles on its way; wise man jokes about the obstacles on his way! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

If I do not do sensible things about investments I shall spend my old age in a workhouse, where nobody will understand my jokes. — Rebecca West

Never, never tell jokes about a man with easy access to weapons of mass destruction. — Peter Chernin

If you're from New Jersey, let people make all those bad jokes about our state. Don't let anyone know how great it is here. It's the best kept secret. — Jon Bon Jovi

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish. — Frank Carson

People get really scared when women reclaim words, talk about themselves honestly and also make jokes because it's a really unstoppable combination. — Caitlin Moran

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check. — Pat Paulsen

Alec said you do that," said Jace. "Deflect questions about yourself with jokes. — Cassandra Clare

You know, Ham," Breeze noted. "The only funny thing about your jokes is how often they lack any humor whatsoever. — Brandon Sanderson

All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness. — Tui T. Sutherland

Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else. Genuinely I do. — John Lloyd

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Don't make jokes about food. — David Lean

I make some jokes about it, but they're not funny and just add to the depression. — Robert M. Pirsig

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. — Jon Stewart

People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard. — Michelle Pfeiffer

Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two. — Demetri Martin

Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney. — Craig Ferguson

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues. — Jim Fowler

There were many times when I kept silent about being Jewish as I got older, when Jewish jokes were told. — William Shatner

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. — Lewis Black

I keep to a minimum dialect, in-jokes about football (soccer) teams and soap opera characters, so as not to lose North American readers. — Peter Robinson

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things. — Steven Wright

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it. — Doug Benson

I don't like jokes about sex or bodily functions or drug use or the difference between New York and L.A. I never do any of that. — David Letterman

Times change. The farmer's daughter now tells jokes about the traveling salesman. — Carey Williams

I was always Armie. There couldn't be a 90-year-old Armand and a 9-day-old one. And I heard enough jokes about baking soda. — Armie Hammer

I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes. — Michael Schur

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing. — Wanda Sykes

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. — Mark Russell

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"
"Ask a glass of water! — Douglas Adams