Joan Rivers Funny Quotes

I started with ballet, and once I started to really like it, I got into more - I did jazz and tap, and then kept going. — Maddie Ziegler

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. — Joan Rivers

I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.' — Joan Rivers

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. — Joan Rivers

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.' — Joan Rivers

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse. — Joan Rivers

Prince Charles is so funny. So, so funny. — Joan Rivers

The basic idea underlying religion is to create an atmosphere for the spiritual development of the individual. — B.R. Ambedkar

As I recognized the beauty of the earth, I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me. — Robert D. Hales

If you don't think you're funny, no one else will. — Joan Rivers

Never floss with a stranger. — Joan Rivers

The more you socialize the costs of personal liberty, the more license you give others to regulate it. — Jonah Goldberg

She was one of her kind, the most American she would ever be, the last American left in this hundred-year flood. — Matthew Salesses

I have no line. If I think it's funny, it's funny. — Joan Rivers

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. — Joan Rivers

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do — Joan Rivers

Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences. — Joan Rivers

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass! — Joan Rivers

There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention. — Joan Rivers

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you. — Joan Rivers

Ive tried and tried and now I give up. I refuse to be the perfect friend to people that cant treat me with the same respect. — Lovely Goyal