Jimmy Fallon Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jimmy Fallon quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

My wife and I had been trying a while to have a baby. We tried a bunch of things - so we had a surrogate. — Jimmy Fallon

I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us. — Jimmy Fallon

A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial. — Jimmy Fallon

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch. — Andy Kindler

No-one gets beaten to death quite like Hilary Swank — Jimmy Fallon

I like to see people laugh who are normally serious. — Jimmy Fallon

Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order: An empty cup. — Jimmy Fallon

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice. — Jimmy Fallon

The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all. — Jimmy Fallon

I don't like to be me. I'm not so comfortable being me on screen because then I'd be a presenter. I'm not Jimmy Fallon. — Aaron Johnson

NBC's priorities are Jimmy Fallon and Jay Leno, and then there's me. — Carson Daly

The next step for me is not 'The Tonight Show.' That's a job for Jimmy Fallon. I'm way too divisive for a show like that. — Chelsea Handler

I don't have anything against Jimmy Fallon. I love Jimmy Fallon. He's my dude. — Tracy Morgan

I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon

A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: Sorry, just got your text! — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.' — Jimmy Fallon

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.' — Jimmy Fallon

I am a fan of 'SNL' and a big Jimmy Fallon fan, too. — Julian Casablancas

Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business. — Jimmy Fallon

Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain. — Jimmy Fallon

According to a new poll, the number of Americans who trust Hillary is dropping. Specifically into a hole that Hillary covered with leaves. — Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon is handsome. This is an indisputable fact. — Andy Kindler

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. — Jimmy Fallon

I like being absurd. Being silly. — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you ... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. — Jimmy Fallon

President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.' — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.' — Jimmy Fallon

It's Friday. That's one reason to celebrate. Also, it's the first day in a long time when no one declared they're running for president. — Jimmy Fallon

The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.' — Jimmy Fallon

I got every Dan Shaughnessy book known to man. — Jimmy Fallon

It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in the summertime. — Jimmy Fallon

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. — Jimmy Fallon

Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse. — Jimmy Fallon

A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs. — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. — Jimmy Fallon

Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.' — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you ... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports. — Jimmy Fallon

They got a great performance from me. I was happy. — Jimmy Fallon

I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive. — Jimmy Fallon

I'm the producer of "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon," so I definitely have an exciting day job. — Josh Lieb

President Obama is getting a new limousine that will have advanced night-vision capabilities. The technology even has a cool name ... headlights. — Jimmy Fallon

When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can't sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m. — Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon is one of the funniest son of a guns I've ever seen. — Christian Kane

Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house. — Jimmy Fallon

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack. — Jimmy Fallon

Don't Keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason — Jimmy Fallon

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing. — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it. — Jimmy Fallon

At a recent education summit, President Obama admitted that he can't rap. When they heard, Americans said, 'Good!' — Jimmy Fallon

Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them. — Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats. — Jimmy Fallon

I love Nashville. I've been here so many times ... oh man, I would stay here for a year if I could. It's just so much fun. — Jimmy Fallon

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic. — Jimmy Fallon

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success. — Jimmy Fallon

Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me. — Jimmy Fallon

Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.' — Jimmy Fallon

We have a really, really great dog. It doesn't bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He's just a very happy dog. — Jimmy Fallon

Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, But I did not say which side. — Jimmy Fallon

Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen. — Jimmy Fallon

I love Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel. — Mike Birbiglia

This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond. — Jimmy Fallon

I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up. — Jimmy Fallon

You only think of the best comeback when you leave. — Jimmy Fallon

I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know, I'll be like, 'Wait, what?' — Jimmy Fallon

When NBC told me I got the job, I asked, 'Can we do it from New York?' There was just silence on the phone — Jimmy Fallon

Everyone looks so much better when they smile. — Jimmy Fallon

Shouldn't every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options? — Jimmy Fallon

I just heard about a woman in Germany who just gave birth to a baby boy named "Jihad." Or as the TSA put it, "Hope you like Amtrak! — Jimmy Fallon

Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country. — Jimmy Fallon

Success is ... happiness. Is that too Deepak Chopra? — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves. — Jimmy Fallon

I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed. — Jimmy Fallon

I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle. — Jimmy Fallon

There couldn't have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It's beyond baseball. It's rooting for your family. — Jimmy Fallon

If people want to see you, they'll find you. If they don't see you on TV, they'll find you on the Internet. — Jimmy Fallon

Today is 11/11/11, a date so simple even Rick Perry can remember it. — Jimmy Fallon

Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice. — Jimmy Fallon

My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. — Jimmy Fallon

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be. — Jimmy Fallon

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He's going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip isn't a steak. — Jimmy Fallon

I'm going to North Pole to help out Santa this year. — Jimmy Fallon

People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was kind of in the middle. — Jimmy Fallon

Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing. — Jimmy Fallon

Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial — Jimmy Fallon

[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror. — Jimmy Fallon

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one. — Jimmy Fallon

My dad used to work at IBM, so we used to get discounts on computers and stuff, and I did have a ThinkPad. — Jimmy Fallon

Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around. — Jimmy Fallon

A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade. — Jimmy Fallon

I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella. — Jimmy Fallon

Big news from last night's Republican debate, you guys. It turns out George Bush was actually the smart Texas governor. — Jimmy Fallon

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend. — Jimmy Fallon

Scott Walker's campaign slogan is 'Reform. Growth. Safety.' Which is actually similar to Donald Trump's new slogan: 'Mexico. Money. Crazy.' — Jimmy Fallon

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists. — Jimmy Fallon

Thank you 'adults who wear back packs' for letting me know that I don't have to take you seriously — Jimmy Fallon

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all. — Jimmy Fallon

Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade. — Jimmy Fallon

You gotta risk it to get the biscuit. — Jimmy Fallon

I didn't act like I was there. I just got into the story. — Jimmy Fallon