J O'rourke Quotes

Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it. — P. J. O'Rourke

Opinions of language are as interesting as opinions of arithmetic. — P. J. O'Rourke

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages. — P. J. O'Rourke

We should never hesitate to listen to a fool about life because life is pretty foolish as far as I can tell. — P. J. O'Rourke

How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face? — P. J. O'Rourke

Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let's hope so. — P. J. O'Rourke

I've got a 1990 Porsche 911. It's just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it. — P. J. O'Rourke

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch. — P. J. O'Rourke

The 18,000 NASA employees are full of galactic talents and abilities and are ready to accomplish whatever they're directed to do. — P. J. O'Rourke

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps. — P. J. O'Rourke

A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. — P. J. O'Rourke

Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic. — P. J. O'Rourke

In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much more courteous for that man to give her his job. — P. J. O'Rourke

Chinese economic development has cost many American workers their jobs. That's the price of progress. — P. J. O'Rourke

Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters. — P. J. O'Rourke

The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it. — P. J. O'Rourke

Democrats hate success. — P. J. O'Rourke

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning. — P. J. O'Rourke

Liberals have a quaint and touching faith that truth is on their side and an even quainter faith that journalists are on the side of truth. — P. J. O'Rourke

You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke. — P. J. O'Rourke

Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders. — P. J. O'Rourke

Never wear anything that panics the cat. — P. J. O'Rourke

In Hong Kong there is agglomeration beyond my fondest imaginings. The Kowloon district claims a population density four times that of New York City. — P. J. O'Rourke

Excessive speed and quantity are, like chattiness and digression, besetting sins of cyber-assisted authorship. — P. J. O'Rourke

As author P. J. O'Rourke puts it: Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive. — Timothy Ferriss

There is no 20-year period in American history when stocks lost money. — P. J. O'Rourke

It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. — P. J. O'Rourke

In the language of politics, there is only one translation for the phrase 'hope and change,' to wit: 'big, fat government.' — P. J. O'Rourke

There are two factors in American politics that may seem strange to Europeans: race and religion. — P. J. O'Rourke

The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of gravity does. — P. J. O'Rourke

You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity. — P. J. O'Rourke

In a free country, government is a dull and onerous responsibility. It is a parent-teacher conference. — P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college. — P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody in 15th century Spain was wrong about where China was and as a result, Columbus discovered Caribbean vacations. — P. J. O'Rourke

There can be no greater sacrifice than that a man lay down his lifestyle for others. And — P. J. O'Rourke

The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory. — P. J. O'Rourke

I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough. — P. J. O'Rourke

Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. — P. J. O'Rourke

'You're stupid,' is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama. — P. J. O'Rourke

Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman. — P. J. O'Rourke

Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife. — P. J. O'Rourke

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. — P. J. O'Rourke

I read good. I was an English major. — P. J. O'Rourke

The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in melodramatic plots. — P. J. O'Rourke

America is the world's policeman, all right
a big, dumb, mick flatfoot in the middle of the one thing cops dread most, a domestic disturbance. — P. J. O'Rourke

Detroit is beautiful - though you probably have to be a child of the industrial Midwest, like me, to see it. — P. J. O'Rourke

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. — P. J. O'Rourke

Sucking the fun out of life has always been an important component of politics. — P. J. O'Rourke

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders. — P. J. O'Rourke

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it ... — P. J. O'Rourke

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs. — P. J. O'Rourke

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it. — P. J. O'Rourke

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast. — P. J. O'Rourke

Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected. — P. J. O'Rourke

The purpose of the Senate is to keep 100 middle aged knuckleheads out of the private sector where they can do real harm. — P. J. O'Rourke

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb. — P. J. O'Rourke

There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself. — P. J. O'Rourke

If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. — P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. — P. J. O'Rourke

Whenever people tell you they are going to wipe the slate clean, it's your slate they mean to wipe. — P. J. O'Rourke

The world is going to hell. All we can do is look good on the trip. — P. J. O'Rourke

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. — P. J. O'Rourke

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! — P. J. O'Rourke

Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative. — P. J. O'Rourke

In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again. — P. J. O'Rourke

And, by the way, how come all the people who were so in favor of unilateral nuclear disarmament are so opposed to unilateral protection against nukes? — P. J. O'Rourke

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it. — P. J. O'Rourke

In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of 'I hate strangers and anything that's different.' — P. J. O'Rourke

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists. — P. J. O'Rourke

People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. — P. J. O'Rourke

Fascism is very much a mob movement. — P. J. O'Rourke

Love can never be fully explained. — P. J. O'Rourke

Guns are the ultimate bulwark against government misbehavior. — P. J. O'Rourke

Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. — P. J. O'Rourke

Americans appreciate bad taste or America wouldn't look the way America does. — P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner. — P. J. O'Rourke

Schneider has made a career of telling the public that the climate is going to change drastically, and indeed every spring and fall he's been right. — P. J. O'Rourke

B students work for C students. A students teach. — P. J. O'Rourke

When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me. — P. J. O'Rourke

I'm here as a radio journalist but am not even sure which part of a tape recorder takes the pictures. — P. J. O'Rourke

Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit. — P. J. O'Rourke

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks. — P. J. O'Rourke

No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. — P. J. O'Rourke

Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class. — P. J. O'Rourke

Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof. — P. J. O'Rourke

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you. — P. J. O'Rourke

I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger. — P. J. O'Rourke

My working hypothesis is that stupidity in popular culture is a constant. Popular culture cannot get more stupid. — P. J. O'Rourke

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention. — P. J. O'Rourke

Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids. — P. J. O'Rourke

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit. — P. J. O'Rourke

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. — P. J. O'Rourke

The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. — P. J. O'Rourke

Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. — P. J. O'Rourke

A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible. — P. J. O'Rourke

Politics won't allow for the truth. — P. J. O'Rourke

Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else. — P. J. O'Rourke

When someone detonates a suicide bomb, that person does not have career prospects. — P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. — P. J. O'Rourke

Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. — P. J. O'Rourke