
America is the world's policeman, all right
a big, dumb, mick flatfoot in the middle of the one thing cops dread most, a domestic disturbance. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Detroit is beautiful - though you probably have to be a child of the industrial Midwest, like me, to see it. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Sucking the fun out of life has always been an important component of politics. —
P. J. O'Rourke

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders. —
P. J. O'Rourke

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it ... —
P. J. O'Rourke

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs. —
P. J. O'Rourke

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected. —
P. J. O'Rourke

The purpose of the Senate is to keep 100 middle aged knuckleheads out of the private sector where they can do real harm. —
P. J. O'Rourke

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb. —
P. J. O'Rourke

There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself. —
P. J. O'Rourke

If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked. —
P. J. O'Rourke

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Whenever people tell you they are going to wipe the slate clean, it's your slate they mean to wipe. —
P. J. O'Rourke

The world is going to hell. All we can do is look good on the trip. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! —
P. J. O'Rourke

Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative. —
P. J. O'Rourke

In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again. —
P. J. O'Rourke

And, by the way, how come all the people who were so in favor of unilateral nuclear disarmament are so opposed to unilateral protection against nukes? —
P. J. O'Rourke

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it. —
P. J. O'Rourke

In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of 'I hate strangers and anything that's different.' —
P. J. O'Rourke

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists. —
P. J. O'Rourke

People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Fascism is very much a mob movement. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Love can never be fully explained. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Guns are the ultimate bulwark against government misbehavior. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Americans appreciate bad taste or America wouldn't look the way America does. —
P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Schneider has made a career of telling the public that the climate is going to change drastically, and indeed every spring and fall he's been right. —
P. J. O'Rourke

B students work for C students. A students teach. —
P. J. O'Rourke

When I'm in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me. —
P. J. O'Rourke

I'm here as a radio journalist but am not even sure which part of a tape recorder takes the pictures. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks. —
P. J. O'Rourke

No Americans wants to see somebody lose their house because of health bills. Their boat? Maybe. Maybe the boat. But not the house. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof. —
P. J. O'Rourke

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you. —
P. J. O'Rourke

I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger. —
P. J. O'Rourke

My working hypothesis is that stupidity in popular culture is a constant. Popular culture cannot get more stupid. —
P. J. O'Rourke

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit. —
P. J. O'Rourke

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. —
P. J. O'Rourke

The idea of a world where all people are alike - in wealth or in anything else - is a fantasy for the stupid. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Lyndon Johnson faced some clear moral issues. —
P. J. O'Rourke

A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Politics won't allow for the truth. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else. —
P. J. O'Rourke

When someone detonates a suicide bomb, that person does not have career prospects. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. —
P. J. O'Rourke

Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. —
P. J. O'Rourke